theretronerd

so, wed is poetry day. i hereby declare monday to be official dick day. isnt it rpoper that we reserve one day of the week to honore and praise the almighty penis? i think so. in every ways let us clebrate the glorious male organ, indeed...why am i thinking about this. well it came up twice already today. here is the first thing and its so good i think i must commission a paiting be made of my vision. i was on the elliptical machine and i had this picture in my head of me on my knees sucking jesus' cock. yup thats right a blowjob for our lord and savior. oh yes what a way to be saved...and while im workin it he is holding his hand outstretched over my head, high over my head like at what would be about arms length for him standing up and his hand is positioned such that he is making some sort of blessing sign over my head. im recieving the blessing and i can just imagine his voice, 'yes child you are forgiven' fucking christ! ha! literally almost.

so yeah then i went home and i was havin my morning tea and i wss thinkin about people and people i dont like. especially random people i meet at a club or bar or something and how they come up to you and ask invasive questions and are just invasive as a whole and im thinkin fuck, now im single, im gonna be such an open target and i really dont wanna deal with it and wouldnt it be fucking awesom if i just had the balls to look people in the eye and say "suck my dick asshole' i mean seriously. i need to start incorporating it into my vocab. think about the connotations of ME saying it. it gets me off in a fucked up, fuck you sort of way. i would also like to have a tshirt that simply says 'go fuck yourself' in very bold letters but that is another story....

at any rate those to things back to back made me think. yes! today is the day of dicks. let it be so. and in honor of this holy occasion i will post an amazing song by this dude Dan Bern. i got turned onto him when i went to see Ani at the palace. he opened for her and it was like - OMFG!!! he rocks. i bought a new CD of his yesterday and went walking around yale campus groovin out. i went and walked down to the medical school and i havent set foot there since i left, i was afraid to. well it was an awesome thing to go there, a place where i was truly defeated and walk through proudly. i took some of my power back and amen! how appropriate i did it on easter. i rise again.

so anyway heres dan bern 'tiger woods'

i got big balls
big old balls
big as grapefruits
big as pumpkins yes sir, yes sir
and on my really good days
they swell to the size of small dogs
my balls are the size of small dogs

well it aint braggin if its true
yes sir, yes sir
it aint braggin if its true
mahammad ali said that
back when he was a young man
back when he was cassius clay
before he fought too many fights
and left his brain inside the ring
and sometimes i wish i was tiger woods
tiger woods, tiger woods

i got a friend whos goal in life
was to one day go down on madonna
thats all he wanted, that was all
to one day go down on madonna
and when my friend was 34
he got his wish in rome one night
he got to go down on madonna
in rome on night in some hotel
nad ever since hes been depressed
cause life is shit from here on in
and all our friends just shake their heads
and say too soon, too soon, too soon
he went down on madonna too soon
well it aint braggin if its true

yes sir, yes sir
it aint braggin if its true
mahammad ali said that
back when he was a young man
back when he was cassius clay
before he fought too many fights
and left his brain inside the ring
and sometimes i wish i was tiger woods
tiger woods, tiger woods

if certian girls dont look at you
it means that they like you alot
if other girls dont look at you
it means that theyre ignoring you
how can you know, how can you know
which is which, whos doin what
i guess that you can ask em
do you like me or are you ignoring me
do you like me or are you ignoring me
and all you need to do that
is one good pair of big balls
balls as big as grapefruits
balls as big as pumpkins
balls as big as mine
but even though my balls are big
sometimes i wish they were bigger
even bigger
big as the wheels on tractors
big as the gloden arches
big as the golden gate bridge
big as the state of kansas
big as mars and jupiter
big as the swing of tiger woods
tiger woods, tiger woods
tiger woods, tiger woods