theretronerd

hello there all my sugar plum fairies. i am taking a sick day today. the sinuses are much better but i have still been draggin and since im workin tomorrow i decided to cut myself a break and stay in today. sounds good right, well lets see if i can actually enjoy it and not spend it feeling guilty. i went in at 5:30 am and took care of the essentials so im not being irresponsible, why still do i have a nagging voice in my mind fearing that my boss will be pissed or that my coworkers will think im a slacker or whatever. its nonsense. no one will care except me. i think ill go to the gym later and sit in the sauna. ahhh.

anyway, as usual i have so much going on inside me, how to express...i was feeling so high on life for the weeks over christmas and newyears. now that ive been back at work for awhile im starting to get into an icky dark space again. im upset with myself because i have another cold. #5 and you know i believe that we all create our own reality so i have this fucked up backass thing inside that if im creating my reality, im creating the colds, and therefore i am fucking up bigtime. this is not right! yes, i believe on the highest level i am creating the illnesses but i also believe that my higher self has a reason and a plan for everything and that it is all based in the highest love. so that means i am creating these colds for a reason. obviously my unconscience (sp?) is trying to get through to me big time since its the same message over and over. i get glimmers of insight here and there but not the whole picture cause im still getting sick. geez, why is it so hard to be patient with myself and my growth process? well, if i look back i actually have made huge strides. i am in a much better place than i was a year ago, even 6 months ago. patience dear one