I am incredibly tired but I dont want to sleep I have absolutely no interest in sleep. I know that depriving myself of sleep like I have been doing for the past week or more isnt healthy. I am noticing the effects both physically & psychologically but I still dont care. Its not like I have some chemical help or anything. Man I wish I did.
Since I ended up mentioning the topic of sobriety I will talk about sobriety & my general mental health I guess. It seems like I have no interest in becoming sober. I mean if someone gave me the option of instantly be healthy (which would include sobriety for me) or go on the path you are. I would definitely pick the former so I guess I am interested in sobriety that way. In so far as it will help me become healthy both mentally & physically. But if I cant become healthy very quickly I dont really care. I have stopped going to meetings for quite some time, I stopped going to my therapy, since I lost my insurance I inadvertently lost my meds, with that I lost my social worker. My entire safety net is gone with the one exception of my friends. All that progress is destroyed. It actually seems like my desire to go back to using meth again. I dont know I am going to see how this turns out. I think I will hit the ground running when I get insurance again in about a week or two. Things will improve.
I am looking forward to the English Premier League (EPL) cheering for Manchester City this time round. Everton v. Manchester united Sunday September 12th ManU is just going to run over Everton. Tottenham Hotspur v. Wolverhapton Saturday September 18th I have no idea who Wolverhapton is. I dont know if that speaks more about my lack of knowledge of the EPL or if they are just terrible. In any case Tottenham is a very good club so Wolverhapton has a ways to go. My club doesnt play all the way until the 25th & they play Chelsea. So that is really going to be a brilliant match. I am really pumped for it but I have no idea how I am going to see the matches. I will have to figure something out.
I have gotten so lazy in my writing since I left college. I am not practicing & so I am forgetting how to write. My Father said once in a conversation about marksmanship that its harder to stay good at it then to become good. I think its the same with things like this or any skill, art, or craft. I simply am not practicing thus I am forgetting stuff. Being tired probably doesnt help
. I will be working on my writing sample again very soon. It was devastating to lose two years of work like I did. Hundreds of hours of reading along with an equal amount of writing notes. I am actually really looking forward to getting started. I have to wait till I get paid again though because I cant sit at a computer and read for papers online it would just be too hard to sit and start at an illuminated screen for hours and not be able to underline things for future reference. One can never over estimate the value of masterful underlining or writing of notes in margins. Done right it can be a thing of beauty.
I hope you are keeping you head up. Cheers!
-Devin G.H
Since I ended up mentioning the topic of sobriety I will talk about sobriety & my general mental health I guess. It seems like I have no interest in becoming sober. I mean if someone gave me the option of instantly be healthy (which would include sobriety for me) or go on the path you are. I would definitely pick the former so I guess I am interested in sobriety that way. In so far as it will help me become healthy both mentally & physically. But if I cant become healthy very quickly I dont really care. I have stopped going to meetings for quite some time, I stopped going to my therapy, since I lost my insurance I inadvertently lost my meds, with that I lost my social worker. My entire safety net is gone with the one exception of my friends. All that progress is destroyed. It actually seems like my desire to go back to using meth again. I dont know I am going to see how this turns out. I think I will hit the ground running when I get insurance again in about a week or two. Things will improve.
I am looking forward to the English Premier League (EPL) cheering for Manchester City this time round. Everton v. Manchester united Sunday September 12th ManU is just going to run over Everton. Tottenham Hotspur v. Wolverhapton Saturday September 18th I have no idea who Wolverhapton is. I dont know if that speaks more about my lack of knowledge of the EPL or if they are just terrible. In any case Tottenham is a very good club so Wolverhapton has a ways to go. My club doesnt play all the way until the 25th & they play Chelsea. So that is really going to be a brilliant match. I am really pumped for it but I have no idea how I am going to see the matches. I will have to figure something out.
I have gotten so lazy in my writing since I left college. I am not practicing & so I am forgetting how to write. My Father said once in a conversation about marksmanship that its harder to stay good at it then to become good. I think its the same with things like this or any skill, art, or craft. I simply am not practicing thus I am forgetting stuff. Being tired probably doesnt help
. I will be working on my writing sample again very soon. It was devastating to lose two years of work like I did. Hundreds of hours of reading along with an equal amount of writing notes. I am actually really looking forward to getting started. I have to wait till I get paid again though because I cant sit at a computer and read for papers online it would just be too hard to sit and start at an illuminated screen for hours and not be able to underline things for future reference. One can never over estimate the value of masterful underlining or writing of notes in margins. Done right it can be a thing of beauty.
I hope you are keeping you head up. Cheers!
-Devin G.H
sophia108:
Been there...