I think I'm going to do it. I'm about 90% sure that I'm going to sleep with the gas station chick tonight. She invited me over to her place around ten (she lives like five doors down from me) and if I go, I don't see it not involving sex.
I called my girl tonight. She was out again with "Ty". Fucker. I loathe that man. She's always hanging out with him. I try so hard to be jealous, but I just can't - I've been many a girl's "Ty". That best friend a girl spends all her time hanging out with but never sleeping with.
That's not why I suddenly don't care about our relationship - it's because she's never going to devote the energy to it that I always have and still do. I'm constantly giving and she's not. In the beginning, it wasn't like that. If anything, she gave more then I in the beginning - which is where I fucked it up. I let her give more then me and she realized it and now it's fucked up. I still love her, but I cannot again allow myself to be in a relationship with someone who's in it part-time. This is what my apprehension has been about for the last few weeks - I know this now, I just wish I'd seen it sooner.
I hope she calls me back tonight before 10:00, before I go over to that other girl's house, so I can tell her I want out. So I can end it proper before I become that asshole that was unfaithful. I've never been unfaithful, not in the entirety of my life. Never once, and I've had more opportunities then most, I'm inclined to believe. Just in the last few months since I've been with her I've had probably ten women openly ask me for sex and I didn't do it. I didn't do it out of respect for her...but now I don't feel I have her respect in return and I don't see the need to give her that which she does not want.
Any ways, in other news, I've smoked 1/10 of the amount of cigarettes today I normally do. Only three so far. Naturally, they were all bummed off of other people - had I had my own pack, I'd have smoked the whole damn thing.
Oh, and I'm going to Ruined_innocence's birthday party on Saturday night. I have a feeling it's going to seriously kick ass. Am looking forward to meeting some of my fellow San Antonio SGers, not to mention a chance to get out of the house this weekend to engage in some good old fashioned drunken debauchery.
Still don't understand what's so fucking compelling and interesting about Scott Peterson's murder trial.
I called my girl tonight. She was out again with "Ty". Fucker. I loathe that man. She's always hanging out with him. I try so hard to be jealous, but I just can't - I've been many a girl's "Ty". That best friend a girl spends all her time hanging out with but never sleeping with.
That's not why I suddenly don't care about our relationship - it's because she's never going to devote the energy to it that I always have and still do. I'm constantly giving and she's not. In the beginning, it wasn't like that. If anything, she gave more then I in the beginning - which is where I fucked it up. I let her give more then me and she realized it and now it's fucked up. I still love her, but I cannot again allow myself to be in a relationship with someone who's in it part-time. This is what my apprehension has been about for the last few weeks - I know this now, I just wish I'd seen it sooner.
I hope she calls me back tonight before 10:00, before I go over to that other girl's house, so I can tell her I want out. So I can end it proper before I become that asshole that was unfaithful. I've never been unfaithful, not in the entirety of my life. Never once, and I've had more opportunities then most, I'm inclined to believe. Just in the last few months since I've been with her I've had probably ten women openly ask me for sex and I didn't do it. I didn't do it out of respect for her...but now I don't feel I have her respect in return and I don't see the need to give her that which she does not want.
Any ways, in other news, I've smoked 1/10 of the amount of cigarettes today I normally do. Only three so far. Naturally, they were all bummed off of other people - had I had my own pack, I'd have smoked the whole damn thing.
Oh, and I'm going to Ruined_innocence's birthday party on Saturday night. I have a feeling it's going to seriously kick ass. Am looking forward to meeting some of my fellow San Antonio SGers, not to mention a chance to get out of the house this weekend to engage in some good old fashioned drunken debauchery.
Still don't understand what's so fucking compelling and interesting about Scott Peterson's murder trial.
brite_red_scream:
i'll have to ask my boy about that...but i'm gonna assume it's not byob since it's a bar and all... 