therealtexasguy

The Saga of the Ex-girlfriend continues....

Boy, she is pissed as ever! whoa-ho! I'm trying to sound cheerful because I'm really sad.

Either way, it's true - her family wasn't giving her my messages. She swears up and down that if I had been calling her, they would have told her. So now I'm in the precarious position of either I'm the liar, or her family is the liar. Boy, that's a no-win situation if ever there was one!

Also, it's very obvious to me that she is trying to build up a hate of me. She wants to hate me so it'll be easier for her to cut it off with me (something I thought she'd already done). She's always trying to make me angry and jealous by pointing out whenever she's going out to get drunk at bars with her guy friends. I....do....not.....play.....mind....games!

So I'm going to call her later today and just end it once and for all. I'm going to call until she answers her phone and then tell her I'm done and I can't stand this shit anymore and that she wanted to drive me away and she did, so she can go to sleep a happier person tonight.

I feel like an ass. I promised I'd never hurt her, and breaking it off with her, even if it's inevitable at this point, is still going to hurt her a little, and that means I broke a promise. I do not break promises lightly.

Still, I cannot keep going on like this. Actually, I'll just ask her if there is any way to salvage our relationship. To this I honestly expect her to go off the cuff and start screaming and yelling and cursing. I really hope she doesn't, cause if she does I'll just hang up the phone, and that'll be the end of it. While it's true I want to end it, I don't want to end it like that.

But my pride has been hurt in this relationship, and whenever my pride get's hurt that dark little part of my soul I hate so much wins the battle and makes me do things I don't want to do (i.e. breaking up with someone). I hate knowing that much of this decision to break up with her is pride-based and not from the heart. But, at the same time, I can't help but get the impression that she is not only consciously trying to drive me off, but is just waiting for me to break up with her.

Well, I'll play it by ear and see what happens, even though I know the end result is going to be me coming on her later tonight to post that it's finally over between us. I wonder if I'll be sad? Upset? Happy? Angry? Indifferent?

Probably a mix of all five.