therealtexasguy

Fucking hell.

So I'm sitting here, well laying on my living room floor actually, watching a bootleg copy of Donnie Darko and really, really, really, really getting into it. I haven't slept but two hours since like three AM yesterday and I haven't eaten anything in almost sixty hours, yet somehow I can't go to sleep until I see this whole movie again.

But, of FUCKING COURSE!!!!!!!!!, the god damn, cock sucking, fuckass DVD starts fucking up in a big way. So, ripe with nicotine withdrawal, I kindly rip it out of the DVD player and crushed it in my hand then proceeded to throw the pieces as hard as I could against my brick wall. Great. Now I get to clean up tiny little shards of sharp plastic.

Think I will go back to psychotherapy. It's been a long time, since I worked for the State, actually. The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to. When I'm all alone, it's one thing, but now that I got old girl in my life (for the moment, and that moment likely won't last much longer), I see my many flaws. I'm fairly jealous and extremely suspicious (though I hide them both incredibly well). I have trust issues, too, and that I don't hide so well. What can I say, I'm a child of like four or five divorces - who could expected me to trust anyone??

See, the thing I have against therapy is that I literally know enough about psychology to have at least a Bachelors in it, and then some. But somehow I am unable to apply it to myself. Or, when I can apply it to myself, it doesn't have the same impact as when someone else does.

For example; I'm the go-to guy among my friends when their relationships go sour cause I just know what they need to say or do to rectify their wrongs. However, I haven't a fucking clue what to do within my own love life. I attribute this to a lack of confidence; something I never had a problem with until I sobered up and no longer had drugs to blame for my being an asshole.

Therapy scares me, too, because it forces you to deal with shit you so obviously don't want to deal with. I avoid the past for a very good fucking reason, so why pays something $150 an hour to help dig it the fuck up? That's what alcohol and a sympathetic friend are for. Alas, I am trying not to drink anymore, and all my sympathetic friends are out of town at the moment.

Any ways, might post some self pics today, assuming that hotness that is Genevieve wants me to.

Well, not that my Darko DVD is broken, I can either

A) Go buy a new copy, which I want to do anyways for the bonus features,

or

B) Try and get some sleep (this sounds thoroughly unappealing, but if I want to get half the work I have scheduled done I should probably at least try).

We shall see what happens...