Musings
The darkest and the deepest hole
is the labyrinthine human soul
Repugnant horrors dwell inside
where fearsome spectres do reside
But take the suicidal plunge
into the depths you must expunge
the truth that lies at foul pits foot
wipe away the grime and soot
Until you do you'll be a stranger
passing yourself to and fro
for
The deepest hole is the human soul
and the farthest road is that hole to know
-yy
I began writing earlier after taking a look in the deep dark hole we call soul. I wrote a pretty good size blog removing the veil from my inner most workings. I reread the thing and I realized I'm pretty fucked up and not nearly as superior as I like to believe. And there's no way I'm sharing it with you people out there in internet land. Besides...what's this whole internet thing about if you can't polish yourself up a bit and wear a halo for a moment or two? But there is something I will share.
The way I see it we are each living a story. Our friends, family, co-workers, lovers, etc. are the supporting characters and we are, usually, the main character. I do not say protagonist for this delves into the subject matter of my soul scraping. I do not believe we are all the protagonist of our own stories. Some of us are so blank in character that we become a side character in our own fucking story playing a supporting role for our parents, lovers, children, what-have-you. The ones amongst us that lead their lives to fulfill others wishes, to bring others happiness, all the while neglecting their own wishes and desires. And then there are those who become the antagonist. The job of the antagonist is to bring conflict and challenges into the protagonist's life, there by making him grow as a person and finish the story at a higher plane than where he started. The hardships in my life have always seemed to appear from thin air. But I believe the source to be...me. I am silent when I should speak. I choose difficult over easy. I choose pride over practicality. I choose pain over pleasure...well I'm getting into that whole subject I didn't want to get into.
My point is that I am noticing serious flaws in my personality that have caused me much trepidation. An inability to allow myself to be happy. Or when I do allow myself to be happy for a brief moment, a loss of drive and ambition and passion. And though I am growing and I believe becoming better as a person in some ways, I feel that I have altered my personality as well in damaging ways that make me base and cold and unable to love at times and recklessly free with my love and blind to faults and flaws at others. A defense mechanism with a short in the power line...
When you look at your life and where you've suffered the most, check to see if you are the protagonist, antagonist or a supporting character and make adjustments where needed. It helps to look when you are the most complacent the most free of out side stimuli.
The darkest and the deepest hole
is the labyrinthine human soul
Repugnant horrors dwell inside
where fearsome spectres do reside
But take the suicidal plunge
into the depths you must expunge
the truth that lies at foul pits foot
wipe away the grime and soot
Until you do you'll be a stranger
passing yourself to and fro
for
The deepest hole is the human soul
and the farthest road is that hole to know
-yy
I began writing earlier after taking a look in the deep dark hole we call soul. I wrote a pretty good size blog removing the veil from my inner most workings. I reread the thing and I realized I'm pretty fucked up and not nearly as superior as I like to believe. And there's no way I'm sharing it with you people out there in internet land. Besides...what's this whole internet thing about if you can't polish yourself up a bit and wear a halo for a moment or two? But there is something I will share.
The way I see it we are each living a story. Our friends, family, co-workers, lovers, etc. are the supporting characters and we are, usually, the main character. I do not say protagonist for this delves into the subject matter of my soul scraping. I do not believe we are all the protagonist of our own stories. Some of us are so blank in character that we become a side character in our own fucking story playing a supporting role for our parents, lovers, children, what-have-you. The ones amongst us that lead their lives to fulfill others wishes, to bring others happiness, all the while neglecting their own wishes and desires. And then there are those who become the antagonist. The job of the antagonist is to bring conflict and challenges into the protagonist's life, there by making him grow as a person and finish the story at a higher plane than where he started. The hardships in my life have always seemed to appear from thin air. But I believe the source to be...me. I am silent when I should speak. I choose difficult over easy. I choose pride over practicality. I choose pain over pleasure...well I'm getting into that whole subject I didn't want to get into.
My point is that I am noticing serious flaws in my personality that have caused me much trepidation. An inability to allow myself to be happy. Or when I do allow myself to be happy for a brief moment, a loss of drive and ambition and passion. And though I am growing and I believe becoming better as a person in some ways, I feel that I have altered my personality as well in damaging ways that make me base and cold and unable to love at times and recklessly free with my love and blind to faults and flaws at others. A defense mechanism with a short in the power line...
When you look at your life and where you've suffered the most, check to see if you are the protagonist, antagonist or a supporting character and make adjustments where needed. It helps to look when you are the most complacent the most free of out side stimuli.