'wow............................................................................................................................
...... wedlock..... what a strangely beautiful and binding and painful and erotic and deep sad.... and intoxicating with happy..... and maddening... and lifting...it's like nails being hammered in your skin...... then like sweet honey..... like rain... hard and violent... angry.. controlling...... or it's cleansing... you feel it in your deepest places.. it renews you....awakes you....fills you...empties you.... and then the sun shines on it just right and theres a prizm of colors... that you're vaguely familiar with...... like a warm blanket... then in the next moment like shards of glass.... it breaks you down to nothing....... makes you weak....poisons you. exposes your humanity over and over.... fills you with sin.... demons love it..... angels have to search it out......... it pulls you into a dream- like stance where you float and everything is filled with something... you're not sure what but it feels good to you.... it soothes you.... then it frightens you.....makes you run...... pulls you back....it's magnetic....it cast spells on you........ makes you thirsty....... you laugh and cry...... at the end of the day it wraps you up and it's wholly simplistic and trivial.....and somehow.... i'll never know why..... in all its complex disease .................. it's divine.............. .... ..i could think of a thousand more words to describe it.......they're all dual....none of it makes sense.... like life.... science... god... art... poetry....everything....nothing....it only makes you wonder..... and question....... a feeling im addicted to..... grace is it's drug..... outside of the butterfly effect............. .... . i could say or not say millions... billions.. of things...from the past... about the present..... fantasies for the future...... i could think of a thousand songs.....or sounds..... tastes...... smells....... images haunting it all.....................
the beginning of lolita sums it up for me............ if you're getting married make sure you feel this... and its felt for you.... then everything will be fine..............
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. my sin, my soul. lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. lo. lee. ta.'
got this email from lisa...i had told her that she'd be hearing some strange news about me, guess someone finally told her about the engagement.....its been a heavy day so far, thought it would be okay after the 5 alarm fire just blocks from my apartment was extinguished...now my paranoia about the impending wedding is on the loose....thinking about the last part of what she wrote....its not felt for me, and its not what i'm feeling....thinking of the person who's name is stepping down my palate....knowing my name tapping on her teeth....and the complete impossibility of being together....
who needs a beer?
...... wedlock..... what a strangely beautiful and binding and painful and erotic and deep sad.... and intoxicating with happy..... and maddening... and lifting...it's like nails being hammered in your skin...... then like sweet honey..... like rain... hard and violent... angry.. controlling...... or it's cleansing... you feel it in your deepest places.. it renews you....awakes you....fills you...empties you.... and then the sun shines on it just right and theres a prizm of colors... that you're vaguely familiar with...... like a warm blanket... then in the next moment like shards of glass.... it breaks you down to nothing....... makes you weak....poisons you. exposes your humanity over and over.... fills you with sin.... demons love it..... angels have to search it out......... it pulls you into a dream- like stance where you float and everything is filled with something... you're not sure what but it feels good to you.... it soothes you.... then it frightens you.....makes you run...... pulls you back....it's magnetic....it cast spells on you........ makes you thirsty....... you laugh and cry...... at the end of the day it wraps you up and it's wholly simplistic and trivial.....and somehow.... i'll never know why..... in all its complex disease .................. it's divine.............. .... ..i could think of a thousand more words to describe it.......they're all dual....none of it makes sense.... like life.... science... god... art... poetry....everything....nothing....it only makes you wonder..... and question....... a feeling im addicted to..... grace is it's drug..... outside of the butterfly effect............. .... . i could say or not say millions... billions.. of things...from the past... about the present..... fantasies for the future...... i could think of a thousand songs.....or sounds..... tastes...... smells....... images haunting it all.....................
the beginning of lolita sums it up for me............ if you're getting married make sure you feel this... and its felt for you.... then everything will be fine..............
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. my sin, my soul. lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. lo. lee. ta.'
got this email from lisa...i had told her that she'd be hearing some strange news about me, guess someone finally told her about the engagement.....its been a heavy day so far, thought it would be okay after the 5 alarm fire just blocks from my apartment was extinguished...now my paranoia about the impending wedding is on the loose....thinking about the last part of what she wrote....its not felt for me, and its not what i'm feeling....thinking of the person who's name is stepping down my palate....knowing my name tapping on her teeth....and the complete impossibility of being together....
who needs a beer?
xaqary:
your in the group