Tuesday, 8/30/05
I'm really starting to believe that I'm unlovable. I'm alone in this world with only a few friends, but that doesn't matter. Fuck everybody. I dreamt I died last night. In my dream, it wasn't so bad. Life moved on. No set-backs. Maybe I'm better off dead . . . but I'm pissing somebody off by still breathing, so fuck 'em, I'm gonna keep pissing them off! Maybe they'll contract gonorrhea or something along those lines. You know, you'd think that after 6 years of depression, I'd be used to it by now.
Dracula's Ball is this weekend. The girl I wanted to be there is not going. Just another pin in the voodoo doll of my life. Sure, I'm still going, but I'd bet safely that I'm just going to be a miserable fuck there. But who cares. No body does, so why should I. (Depressing, aren't I?)
I'm not normally like this, it's just I've been looking forward to this moment since like June, and now everything's crashing down around me. I had a pretty good hand on things, then God, or whatever the fuck's out there pulling strings, decided to say, "God I hate this asshole! Let's fuck with him a bit." Well, you've struck a key note here pal, and I'm pissed! But oh well. Everything else has failed miserably, so why shouldn't this? It's kind of like kharma, right? Everything happens for a reason. Shit happens to me because there's no better scapegoat than me.
I'm not normally this depressed. Then again, I'm not normal either.
Remember: You're a wreck. Forget the freak, you're just nature . . . Because in the end, everything we do is just everything we've done.
Smile once and a while. Life is short - Make fun of it. Whatever happens, things can't get any better, but they can't get any worse either.
I'm really starting to believe that I'm unlovable. I'm alone in this world with only a few friends, but that doesn't matter. Fuck everybody. I dreamt I died last night. In my dream, it wasn't so bad. Life moved on. No set-backs. Maybe I'm better off dead . . . but I'm pissing somebody off by still breathing, so fuck 'em, I'm gonna keep pissing them off! Maybe they'll contract gonorrhea or something along those lines. You know, you'd think that after 6 years of depression, I'd be used to it by now.
Dracula's Ball is this weekend. The girl I wanted to be there is not going. Just another pin in the voodoo doll of my life. Sure, I'm still going, but I'd bet safely that I'm just going to be a miserable fuck there. But who cares. No body does, so why should I. (Depressing, aren't I?)
I'm not normally like this, it's just I've been looking forward to this moment since like June, and now everything's crashing down around me. I had a pretty good hand on things, then God, or whatever the fuck's out there pulling strings, decided to say, "God I hate this asshole! Let's fuck with him a bit." Well, you've struck a key note here pal, and I'm pissed! But oh well. Everything else has failed miserably, so why shouldn't this? It's kind of like kharma, right? Everything happens for a reason. Shit happens to me because there's no better scapegoat than me.
I'm not normally this depressed. Then again, I'm not normal either.
Remember: You're a wreck. Forget the freak, you're just nature . . . Because in the end, everything we do is just everything we've done.
Smile once and a while. Life is short - Make fun of it. Whatever happens, things can't get any better, but they can't get any worse either.
keebz:
you need meds and you needa write a boook.