theocat

Fuck. I just turned 50 today. A fucking half century. I don't know whether to celebrate it as a milestone or look at as the beginning of the end. I hear that doomsday clock, ticking, ticking, ticking....

For all of you who are younger than I, especially you 20-somethings, you'll find that 50 comes quicker than you realize. Passing of time, which seems eternal when you're young, seems to speed up as you age. It's a cliche but its true.

How time has progressed. When I was born there were no personal computers. The internet would not appear for another 35 years. Segregation was still a reality in the South. Dwight Eisenhower was president. The suburban phenomena was just becoming a phenomena. The federal highway system was being built. Elvis Presley had just come on the scene. Rock and Roll was in its infancy. During my lifespan I've witnessed the Kennedy aassassination, the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show, the Vietnam War, the turbulence of the sixties, men landing on the moon, Watergate, the resignation of Richard Nixon, era of disco - ugh - the Iran hostage crisis, Three Mile Island Nuclear incident, the Presidency of Ronald Reagan - double ugh - the loss of the Space Shuttle (twice), the fall of the Soviet Union, the first Gulf War, the Clinton presidency and the Monica Lewinsky affair, the turn of the millennium, the Red Sox winning the World Series, and the invasion of Iraq, which is unquestionably the worst foreign policy disaster this country has seen in the last 100 years.

Where do I go from here? I don't know. I feel as if I've accomplished little in my life. I haven't been successful in establishing myself in a career, I have one failed marriage behind me, no family, and I have no one to share my life with. Where are the razor blades? Just kidding. On the other hand, I have a nice place to live, I'm highly educated - a masters degree in Urban Planning, a teacher's certification, and a certification in computer graphics. I'm a decent writer but have never fully utilized those skills, I have creative talents - photography, videography - and I'm kind to all things great and small. All in all its been a wonderful life - not.

During the last few years, I've spent my birthday with my friend Ron and his wife at their house. We hand out candy to the trick or treaters and then watch a horror movie. This year my friend Nancy gave me two tickets to see the musical "The Spelling Bee." I'm taking a woman friend who I met last week on a tour of the South End. Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend, so there are no romantic possibilities there.

Here's hoping that the next half century proves better than the first. I suppose I'm being optimistic there.