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thenitch

Oregon, the green hell void

Member Since 2006

Followers 57 Following 58

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Tuesday Jul 18, 2006

Jul 18, 2006
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FFFFuuuuuuck!!! I hate this shit! People are always dying around me!!!
My mom calls me balling yesterday morning before I go to work. Nothing gives one chills more then hearing their beloved mother sobbing at 7 in the morning over seas. Fuck, I love her. A close friend of the family died in a car accedent and one of her co-workers that I have known since middle school, his daughter is the same age as my little brother, shot himself. I think I am surrounded by some kind of death orb- look out people!!

This april my cousin was supposed to be married. He was comming back from Iraq in march- all finished with the government! In January he died. Three monthes before his wedding. My aunt, mother, cousin- torn apart. My uncle is over there as well and we had to petition to get him to be able to escort Tyler's body back home. He was the oldest of all the kids and it hit the family hard. They have had memorials, a flag was dedicated to him in a park back home, but that doesn't stop them from getting shit faced and talking like he watching over. My family is crazy. They have picnics at the cemetary. :-) My youngest cousin is used to playing catch over tombstones.

In February- my birthing month, I was supposed to go home to celebrate the "getting out of rehab for real this time" party of one of my deepest, most charished childhood friends. Forrest was there for me soooo many times when I was young. If it wasn't for him I would be dead. Pain and simple. Dead or a crack addict with like five kids. I had to change the flight date because instead of a rehab party I was going to a funeral and I guess those take longer to plan. He could handle so much, but his body wasn't addicted like it used to be so when he checked himself out early in a fit of anger over life and loss, the amount of coke/heroine that he was used to taking- was too much. Fuck you, Forrest you asshole. Stupid fucking asshole! I love you and I want you back even though we would go monthes, years without talking- at least I knew... I knew he was out there doing his thing and if I needed he would be there for me.

March comes around and the man that I call lover is taken as well. It is SO amazingly differant the loss of family, friend... and then lover. I moved to hawaii in part because of a horrible relationship break up. I was used and thus hated me. Zach was everything I would have scoffed at. I met him at abercrombie where we both worked because it was an easy, well paying job. In the Navy (ick- miliary!) and had all these useless muscles. Lol. But he never judged me and fuck, that kid could see right through me at all times. Him and I ever never "boyfriend/girlfriend" and oh, shit to I regret that. Hessitation sucks! But we were both so terrified of commitment. Too unsure to trust. We had both danced around the idea for monthes, but could never make it real.

I'm tired and I don't think I can handle typing out the full story of Zach right now, so I will save it for another time. Here is is link. He is gorgous. There are so many stories around this topic that I know I'm going to need a bottle of capt morg to make it into words, but I know I should get it on type sometime.

<a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=21916707">http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=21916707</a>

fuck it if it doesn't work. He is my 1st on myspace top 8. I'm going to do be sick and drink more. Hopefully I will get at least a few things done today before work.

In life there is death and in death there is release
robanybody:
The thought that someone as young as you has already experienced such an amount of death and loss is almost unbearable to me. Sometimes the world can be such a bad place. frown

Even though I don't know you, I really hope that you'll find the strenght to keep going. Honestly, I don't know what to say, exept maybe that I wish you and your family all the best.

Take care.
Jul 18, 2006
jspree:
i feel ya nitch, i wish i could have actually met you tuesday so i could give you a hug =)
Jul 21, 2006

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