themadcaplaughs

What a fucked night...

I'm a coward... another night with H. Dinner, a drive... running through a few sprinklers at a park... and I still chicken out and have not kissed her yet... god damnit. *smacks himself on his forhead*

Then on the way home.... the dreaded "Check Enging" light on the Esprit came on.

The car almost died on the freeway... somehow I lasted the 25 miles or so home... running rough, almost stalling at stoplights or if I accelerated too fast. Generally running like crap. It seems as if I can't get a relationship started with H. so my car is going to punish me by trying to end our relationship.

I have no clue what is wrong... a check under the rear deck (it is a mid-engine car) showed nothing that I could see right off... no fluids, no smoke, no mess...

I am so afraid I may have got myself in over my head with this car... and I'm afraid I can't get anywhere with H. because I'm such a coward around girls I like. I'm afraid I'm going to screw my life up for making one decision to fast and another too slow... ironic I guess

I would gladly trade the car for H. though... if this is some sort of karma or sign or whatever... take the car and leave me thousands of dollars in debt if that is what it takes to give me courage to try to have her in my life.

I don't think I'm going to sleep well tonight.