thelost

a turtles tale
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gmail (pronounced guh-mahl) was an excitable small turtle that lives in the pacific ocean. His voracious appetite led to many thrilling adventures and brushes with death. More than anything in the world gmail wanted to know what strawberry ice-cream tasted like so he has set off on a quest to discover the truth to this immense question. what he didn't know was that his quest would lead him to discover many amazing, and sometimes terrible things.

one day gmail decided to explore the possibilities of California. He had heard that there were all kinds of things to eat there. Possibly even dare he say it, Strawbery Ice-cream! so gmail headed towards California. On his way there he had to battle with three sharks, two octopi and one really angry flounder but gmail persisted and against all odds managed to make dry land in a remarkably short time. scrabbling his stumpy clawed way onto the californian beach gmail looked around in wonder, truly this was a land of plenty.
in his search for the ice-cream of the strawberry gmail had many more exciting adventures in california, however by this time gmail was becoming quite disillusioned with this secret-agent lifestyle of thrill-seeking and high danger. he craved for peace and quiet and vowed to retire when he ad but once tasted the fabled ice-cream. However he wasn't to know that his destruction was looming on the horizon. of doom. ooh.

gmail was crawling along in Mountain view, a well todo neighbourhood inhabited by the siliconerrati of california when he came across a building which excited him greatly. it's outsides had a riot of simple bright colors on it. he slowly reflected to himself that surely a structure as exciting as that must contain the most delicious dessert in the world? could this truly be the temple of strawberry ice-cream???
now it has to be mentioned that in a previous adventure in california gmail had ended up getting riotously drunk and having a tattoo of his name carve into his back. he hadn't felt to embaressed the next morning as he craned his neck round to look at his shell, he thought it made him look rather cool. He had felt sure that the chicks would dig it. then he felt slightly disgusted at himself at wanting to impress underage chickens. he decided to keep the tattoo rather than having it buffed out though and this was the beginning of the end, although gmail was to never know this.

so gmail poked his nose through the door and stared into the lounge of the welcoming area of the search company google. sure that he was near the end of his quest he lumbered in and started to make his way towards the elevator. in his experience elevators could be a lot of fun. however this was not to prove the case this time. on the seventh floor gmail managed to get wedged between the elevator and the floor, much to the consternation of all the google employees in the lift. one of them looked down and saw gmail looking sheepish, wedged tightly into the gap. everyone gawked at gmail and finally someone bent down and (with a great deal of effort) tugged him free.
someone helpfully pointed out "hey look, it's a tortoise". gmail for the millionth time thought 'no shit sherlock' and wished for a palatte that would allow him to form nouns and vowels, or at least a cattleprod to poke the human dolt with.
another person helpfully pointed to gmail's name on his shell. "what does that say? guhmal?" "nah I think it's gee-mail" said another. "Eureka!" cried a third and everyone looked at the small scruffy utterer who was one to talk. he certainly hadn't seen a shower for a good week or so that was for sure. someone did actually mutter "you don't smell too good yourself buddy".
"it's fantastic, it's so simple i should have thought of it sooner!" cried the little man. he charged out of the elevator at the next floor, not explaning his revelation with his co-workers.
gmail meanwhile waggled his feet uselessly in the air.
the final thing that gmail ever heard was someone commenting "you can get good eating of turtles". he wasn't to know that his name was to go on to become famous as the first web based email service that offered one gigabyte of space, google searching of email messages and many other features.
he did however star as the center dishes at the annual google workers and family BBQ. turtle soup and steaks added an extra zest to the menu and it was the best BBQ anyone had ever been to!