i just listened to 'untouchable face' by ani difranco for the first time in around five years. what a great song. it sums up damn near everything about the end of the relationship i thought was forever...
"she's not really my type, but i think you two are forever. in fact i'm glad to say it, but you're perfect together so fuck you, and your untouchable face and fuck you, for existing in the first place"
indeed. fuck you.
fuck you for wasting two years of my life
fuck you for not being man enough to own up to what you were doing
fuck you for leading me on
fuck you for lying to me about damn near everything when it came to you and i
fuck you for not being able to apologize for what you did to me
fuck you for fucking with my head for so long [intentionally...that's what gets me]
fuck you for minimizing everything i felt/did/said and a really big ass fuck you for minimizing [and just plain not caring how i felt about] mark's death and the giant family bombshell.
fuck you for not being able to deal with your own demons and taking it out on me
i am so over the whole thing now. i'm not angry anymore. i've been done crying for months. time passed is time passed. i can't get those two years with you back. nor do i want them.
i know how i should be treated and that i can still love and feel for another person and i'm able to communicate with them. i'm thankful for that because i thought you were going to be the end of me. but you are only going to be the end of your own sorry ass self.
i deserve to have the door opened for me
i deserve to have someone awesome hold my hand in public, kiss me on a streetcorner, walk me to my car regardless of the hour, make me laugh at random stuff, and stay on the phone with me when i'm not feeling so hot
i deserve to have someone think i am beautiful [which, by the way, i am, and you obviously never thought so] even though my hair is a mess and i feel like crying because i think i'm ugly.
i deserve to be loved
i am loved and not by you thank god for that
although you didn't love me
you never did
people who love you don't lie to you
i never lied to you
i was never cruel
how can somebody who claims to love you be so cruel as you were to me?
what the fuck made you think i deserved to be lied to?
it's all water under the bridge now.
let go and let god.
i hope you are happy knowing how much you hurt me.
i'm glad i have friends that look out for me or else i would never have known what you were about. you hid everything so well.
thank you for dumping me and breaking my heart. i am a much better person for it. now get out of my head.
"the cities grow, the rivers flow, where you are i'll never know, but i'm still here..."
damn right i'm still here.
and i'm happy.
alone or paired with someone.
but i'm not going to be alone forever.
you will. and you know it.
"she's not really my type, but i think you two are forever. in fact i'm glad to say it, but you're perfect together so fuck you, and your untouchable face and fuck you, for existing in the first place"
indeed. fuck you.
fuck you for wasting two years of my life
fuck you for not being man enough to own up to what you were doing
fuck you for leading me on
fuck you for lying to me about damn near everything when it came to you and i
fuck you for not being able to apologize for what you did to me
fuck you for fucking with my head for so long [intentionally...that's what gets me]
fuck you for minimizing everything i felt/did/said and a really big ass fuck you for minimizing [and just plain not caring how i felt about] mark's death and the giant family bombshell.
fuck you for not being able to deal with your own demons and taking it out on me
i am so over the whole thing now. i'm not angry anymore. i've been done crying for months. time passed is time passed. i can't get those two years with you back. nor do i want them.
i know how i should be treated and that i can still love and feel for another person and i'm able to communicate with them. i'm thankful for that because i thought you were going to be the end of me. but you are only going to be the end of your own sorry ass self.
i deserve to have the door opened for me
i deserve to have someone awesome hold my hand in public, kiss me on a streetcorner, walk me to my car regardless of the hour, make me laugh at random stuff, and stay on the phone with me when i'm not feeling so hot
i deserve to have someone think i am beautiful [which, by the way, i am, and you obviously never thought so] even though my hair is a mess and i feel like crying because i think i'm ugly.
i deserve to be loved
i am loved and not by you thank god for that
although you didn't love me
you never did
people who love you don't lie to you
i never lied to you
i was never cruel
how can somebody who claims to love you be so cruel as you were to me?
what the fuck made you think i deserved to be lied to?
it's all water under the bridge now.
let go and let god.
i hope you are happy knowing how much you hurt me.
i'm glad i have friends that look out for me or else i would never have known what you were about. you hid everything so well.
thank you for dumping me and breaking my heart. i am a much better person for it. now get out of my head.
"the cities grow, the rivers flow, where you are i'll never know, but i'm still here..."
damn right i'm still here.
and i'm happy.
alone or paired with someone.
but i'm not going to be alone forever.
you will. and you know it.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
I have worked in juvenile corrections max security for several years. I understand how stressful these type of crazy jobs can be. The best thing to do is talk about them, but normal you don't want to lay that kinda shit on to your family.
SH