i defy you to find me a john cusack movie where he is not, at some point,at a phone booth in the rain......
kids, this is berto....
now it might not be polite to introduce you to him without him knowing but hes just such a funny dude i had to tell you about him. hes the only other native guy at work so that automaticlly made him approach me his first week. he has the most insane existance. so a few years back he got in some car accident and broke some kids neck. recently he was arguing with the same kid about it and somehow ran him over and dragged him for a block. the cops didnt like that.he once asked me what quarter to six was...
"are you serious?"
yeah dude, whats that like 6:25 or something"
<me laughing>"what?!? no! quarter TOO six...."
"so its 6:45?"
<laughing too hard to respond>
"wait, i know its like 5:15 or what...."
the best part is he was dead serious. hes just that dumb. and thats not really being mean about it. i think even he would admit it. he once asked me to put one of his kidneys on ebay so he could buy a crotch rocket. i laughed and said id do it for 15%. he asked me everyday for the next week if anybody had bought his kidney. i told him to sweeten the deal and throw in his liver at half price. and of course he was cool with it....and 100% serious.
at last check he was on the run from some ex-con for dating his wife, who gave birth about a week ago, whilst said pycho was in jail, all the while dating some 40 something woman,hes 21, who has a kid around his age. his car had gotten stolen while his license was revoked and all the stereo stuff had been stolen. his insurance carrier had dropped him only two days previous. he finally got his car back, passed his recertification test for his license and came to work a proud man....
"dude when are we going out again?"
"im not going drinking with you, last time you almost got me arrested"( and i wound up in some shithole strip club at two in the morning drinking coffee and sweating fear)
" come on man i just got my license back and im going out TONITE!"
"then your gonna drive home hunh?"
<laughing madly> "goin about a hundred!"
it'll be a miracle if this kid makes it to 30...
i hope i know him until then because the stories are too good...
take it,
lefty
kids, this is berto....
now it might not be polite to introduce you to him without him knowing but hes just such a funny dude i had to tell you about him. hes the only other native guy at work so that automaticlly made him approach me his first week. he has the most insane existance. so a few years back he got in some car accident and broke some kids neck. recently he was arguing with the same kid about it and somehow ran him over and dragged him for a block. the cops didnt like that.he once asked me what quarter to six was...
"are you serious?"
yeah dude, whats that like 6:25 or something"
<me laughing>"what?!? no! quarter TOO six...."
"so its 6:45?"
<laughing too hard to respond>
"wait, i know its like 5:15 or what...."
the best part is he was dead serious. hes just that dumb. and thats not really being mean about it. i think even he would admit it. he once asked me to put one of his kidneys on ebay so he could buy a crotch rocket. i laughed and said id do it for 15%. he asked me everyday for the next week if anybody had bought his kidney. i told him to sweeten the deal and throw in his liver at half price. and of course he was cool with it....and 100% serious.
at last check he was on the run from some ex-con for dating his wife, who gave birth about a week ago, whilst said pycho was in jail, all the while dating some 40 something woman,hes 21, who has a kid around his age. his car had gotten stolen while his license was revoked and all the stereo stuff had been stolen. his insurance carrier had dropped him only two days previous. he finally got his car back, passed his recertification test for his license and came to work a proud man....
"dude when are we going out again?"
"im not going drinking with you, last time you almost got me arrested"( and i wound up in some shithole strip club at two in the morning drinking coffee and sweating fear)
" come on man i just got my license back and im going out TONITE!"
"then your gonna drive home hunh?"
<laughing madly> "goin about a hundred!"
it'll be a miracle if this kid makes it to 30...
i hope i know him until then because the stories are too good...
take it,
lefty
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
natsuko:
Oh dear...
natsuko:
Oh dear...