thelefthand

i woke up in bad shape on friday afternoon. checked my messages and found out my fathers surgery has been moved up to sat morning. wake up sat at 4am to find another message." your dads falling fast so they moved it up to 6 am, hope you can make it in time he really wants to see you before he goes in" theres no way in hell i can make it to the citys in 2 hours from duluth. i drive fast and pissed off, yelling, swearing, cutting people off. when i finally get there, there has been some complications." there can be no surgery yet, his kidneys and liver have shut down. his blood pressure too weak to work on his heart. he stopped breathing 3 times over the night. he is awake, struggling, and asking for you" as i walk through the icu, past all the other nearly dead, i see him. i expect him to be laying softly, machines beeping. instead he is thrashing around, fighting for breath and, the only normal thing in the room, swearing at the nurses. he fights them off as he removes his mask for a short time. tells me the things ive wanted to hear. i finally tell him the things ive wanted to say. it took us twenty years to open up and explain. what pissed us off. what made us happy.why we love each other.from there he and at least thirty family members move to st. josephs. where my mother was born. he fights through another night. sunday morning. surgery sceduled for 6, moves back to 8 for need for a blood transfusion. they tell us that the ballon inserted into his artery, to expand his blocked valve, will take no more than1 to 2 hours to hopefully work and they will have an answer for us then. the three longest hours ever go by. when the doctor finally does come in he explains to our whole crowd how, his blood pressure dropped as far as it can drop and still remain living, they had a very hard time getting the ballon in place, and that hes made the most dramatic turn around hes ever seen. hes gonna be o.k. this procedure takes his chances for surviving the still neccary surgery on his valve from 50- 50, to 90%.appendix removal is 90%.all my family likes to joke about how lucky he is. im the exact opposite. as unlucky as the day is long but i'll trade my anti- lucky life for just a few moments of good luck. i think i just used one up. he wont be awake for awhile so im home now. i'll head back there on sat to see him. i didnt mean to weird any of you out.but what can i say, i was pissed, scared, sad, worried, and happy all in about 30 hours. and i havent blinked yet. people, i could use some good words and some routine. so im going back to work tonite. you had all better have had a better weekend thatn me or i'll hunt you down. go smile at someone. then you can flick them off....


lefty