ive been thinking about clint eastwoods latest film million dollar baby today. everything about the film is incredible-the story, the acting, and the soundtrack (also by clint. is there anything this man cant do??). if you havent seen it (shame on you), its the story of a poor white trash girl who dreams of becoming a professional boxer. this is not a rocky movie by a long shot, and takes some unexpected and emotional twists that take the film to a place that allows the characters to show their humanity in such a beautiful way.
it reminds me of a girl i once knew. she came from a quintessential white trash family: the troubled, ex-military father; the sad, i-could-have-been mother; the roach infested house with no less than 6 cars in various states of decay in the front yard (most on cinder blocks). she was very beautiful, though, and always dressed much more fashionably the you would expect from someone of her (supposed) class. she always wanted more than she had. in most ways, she always strived for something better.
she went to college after graduating high school. she didnt know exactly what she wanted to do with it, but she had a passion for art. her talent paled in comparison, however, to her desire to achieve. the last i saw of her work was good, on its way to being amazing. each brush stroke, each photograph, each charcoal line draws her closer to realizing her dreams.
one of my best friends had a simpler dream. he lost sight of it after graduating college. he had always loved music, but the amount of work required for a music degree put a damper on the fire he had for percussion. he wanted nothing more to do with something that had been such a big part of his life. a move to the coast, time away from the pressures of school, and his wife (girlfriend at the time-amazing woman) somehow brought his love back to light. his dream of teaching drums and surfing the waves came to effortless fruition.
i find myself losing sight ever so often. my dreams seem so simple at times, so grandiose at others.
this year has seen the continuing realization of my career goals at work. five years ago, i decided i wanted to reach a certain level in my company. i have averaged a promotion every year since that desire was born. i have reached the plateau i longed for, at the base of the mountain i now look forward to climbing. there have been many who stood to see me fail- the few that stood beside me look at me with pride and respect.
i started working out at a gym this january. i have never been to a gym before in my life. my sisters inspiration (you will hear the story, i promise!!) and my tiring of being able to draw a stickman as a self portrait drove me to joining a golds gym that just opened in my area. i signed up with a personal trainer the day i joined as well, blindly trusting what suddenly felt so right.
i was blessed with a personal trainer (you will hear more about him) that was sound of body and of spirit. my guru has pushed and dragged me trough the last few months of intense workouts, and personal issues. my spirit has been bolstered. my body has lost weight, but gained inches. my soul has taken a hard look in the mirror- and i have been pleased with what i see. my body is on the way to becoming what my mind has already seen. my dreams are inches closer to being realized with each shaking rep, each exhausting work out.
there are some dreams that remain in the threshold of darkness, cradled by my sweat and tear stained pillow. i struggle against a destiny i saw so long ago (high school held so many painful revelations). visions of love and peace cloud in the morning with loneliness and the ammonia smell of a full litter box. i roll out of bed with resignation instead of sadness, though-i will not stop moving forward.
thats what its all about, isnt it? moving forward? sometimes i have to close my eyes, dunk my head in the frigid water to move on-but i move. i will not stop. i will not let anyone or anything keep me from the road i am on. i choose the desert, if i must, over the lush and distraction-filled forest. there are too many quick and easy paths that lead to temporary fixes-i want to feel! i want to be satisfied at the end of the day! i want to be enough! i want my dreams to be realized through the works of my self- not the sacrifice of it!
you will never see my body
disappear beneath the waves
my soul will never disappear
from the blank and begging page
my life will be written
in stone
how close are you to realizing your dreams?
it reminds me of a girl i once knew. she came from a quintessential white trash family: the troubled, ex-military father; the sad, i-could-have-been mother; the roach infested house with no less than 6 cars in various states of decay in the front yard (most on cinder blocks). she was very beautiful, though, and always dressed much more fashionably the you would expect from someone of her (supposed) class. she always wanted more than she had. in most ways, she always strived for something better.
she went to college after graduating high school. she didnt know exactly what she wanted to do with it, but she had a passion for art. her talent paled in comparison, however, to her desire to achieve. the last i saw of her work was good, on its way to being amazing. each brush stroke, each photograph, each charcoal line draws her closer to realizing her dreams.
one of my best friends had a simpler dream. he lost sight of it after graduating college. he had always loved music, but the amount of work required for a music degree put a damper on the fire he had for percussion. he wanted nothing more to do with something that had been such a big part of his life. a move to the coast, time away from the pressures of school, and his wife (girlfriend at the time-amazing woman) somehow brought his love back to light. his dream of teaching drums and surfing the waves came to effortless fruition.
i find myself losing sight ever so often. my dreams seem so simple at times, so grandiose at others.
this year has seen the continuing realization of my career goals at work. five years ago, i decided i wanted to reach a certain level in my company. i have averaged a promotion every year since that desire was born. i have reached the plateau i longed for, at the base of the mountain i now look forward to climbing. there have been many who stood to see me fail- the few that stood beside me look at me with pride and respect.
i started working out at a gym this january. i have never been to a gym before in my life. my sisters inspiration (you will hear the story, i promise!!) and my tiring of being able to draw a stickman as a self portrait drove me to joining a golds gym that just opened in my area. i signed up with a personal trainer the day i joined as well, blindly trusting what suddenly felt so right.
i was blessed with a personal trainer (you will hear more about him) that was sound of body and of spirit. my guru has pushed and dragged me trough the last few months of intense workouts, and personal issues. my spirit has been bolstered. my body has lost weight, but gained inches. my soul has taken a hard look in the mirror- and i have been pleased with what i see. my body is on the way to becoming what my mind has already seen. my dreams are inches closer to being realized with each shaking rep, each exhausting work out.
there are some dreams that remain in the threshold of darkness, cradled by my sweat and tear stained pillow. i struggle against a destiny i saw so long ago (high school held so many painful revelations). visions of love and peace cloud in the morning with loneliness and the ammonia smell of a full litter box. i roll out of bed with resignation instead of sadness, though-i will not stop moving forward.
thats what its all about, isnt it? moving forward? sometimes i have to close my eyes, dunk my head in the frigid water to move on-but i move. i will not stop. i will not let anyone or anything keep me from the road i am on. i choose the desert, if i must, over the lush and distraction-filled forest. there are too many quick and easy paths that lead to temporary fixes-i want to feel! i want to be satisfied at the end of the day! i want to be enough! i want my dreams to be realized through the works of my self- not the sacrifice of it!
you will never see my body
disappear beneath the waves
my soul will never disappear
from the blank and begging page
my life will be written
in stone
how close are you to realizing your dreams?
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
Try taking some vitamin B12 to help you with energy. Although, I would most likely bury myself in bed and sleep the day away.