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theinsomniac

Salem, Oregon

Member Since 2003

Followers 157 Following 164

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Friday Jan 09, 2004

Jan 9, 2004
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Forgive me father/mother/geneder neutral deity figure for I have sinned.

Anyone who reads my journal regularly might have noticed my rant a few days ago about my friend being paranoid that I was flirting with a girl was about to break up with.

Turns out, there might have been some truth to that, that I didn't even realize. The past couple days, I had been hanging out with her (my friend had broken up with her at this point) and the night before last . It was innocent enough. We were just chilling, watching a movie at her place. But things definetly got more sexually charged. Then she gets up to iron her uniform, as she is about to go to work. I walk up next to her, next thing I know, my arm is around her waist. Then there is kissage.

I really do like this girl, and last night, we officially hooked up. We spent most of the day together, having a great time.Then around 10 at night she had to go to work, so she drops me off at my house. I watch TV for a couple hours, before stepping outside for some air. Then my friend pulls out of his driveway in his SUV ( did I mention he lives accross the street?) and yells for me, inviting me out drinking with another friend of his.

So, I go. As far as I know, nobody knows what happened, and it's going to stay that way. Why did I go out with him? Probably out of guilt. He's been a lifelong friend.

Anyway, we end up bar hopping, having a pretty good time. A couple hours into it, he asks "What are you doing with ____"? I go into instant denial mode. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, there is the constant feelign of total guilt. We hang out drinking all night. I got home around 5:30 this morning, drunk as shit.

So, in summation, I hooked up with one of my best friends girls, the day after he dumped her. Then went out drinking with him the same night. I don't feel like I stole a girl, because he broke up with her. Also, I actually do like her, and probably won't see her again after I leave the state in a couple days, which she totally knew about. This was pretty much our one and only shot with each other.

I'm still not sure how I feel about this. Should I feel more guilty than I do? How much of a bastard should I feel like? Or should I just shut about it and relax?

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