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thefuneralof

Channahon/Joliet, IL Currently in Newburgh, NY

Member Since 2003

Followers 199 Following 253

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Wednesday Feb 01, 2006

Feb 1, 2006
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I sold out before I ever made a $)
Not a week goes by when I don't hear someone utter the phrase ' Sell-out' or 'they sold out'. And I wish I was talking about straight edge kids, because deep down in my heart I understand that a little. But...
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure when making a decent living made you a sell out, maybe it's because I missed the 'punk rock' ethics class on having to struggle your entire life. Or maybe it's because I ate Ramen for months on end, worrying if I would be able to make rent, a car payment and still be able to eat.
I never signed up for living in a shitty apartment, worrying about bills and getting by. I never signed up for a fucking ulcer at 29, and I definatly didn't sign up to worry about making sure if I was 'selling-out' in your eyes.
It wasn't that long ago when I was talking to a friend who didn't want to take a job because they didn't want to sell themselves out, and in a weird sort of way it pissed me off. They were basically fired from their previous job, living at home, barely making ends meet and were offered a job somewhere that they didn't think was 'indie' or 'cool' enough. Even though the pay was substancially higher than what they were making before.
And when it's all broken down, no matter what you do, you have to compromise your life somewhere down the line.
Because it boils down to this:

Everytime you answer you cell phone, or use your sidekick...you've sold out

Everytime that you get in your car, or your friends car...you've sold out.

Everytime you buy something at Bestbuy, a Mall, etc...you've sold out.

Everytime you lay that evil fucking piece of plastic down to purchase something that you 'need' to have...you've sold out.

Everytime you scream along with the words to a song and you don't live you life to...you've sold out...

So next time you see me at a show, head down minding my own business...just remember that I fucking sold out.

But selling out doesn't mean that that void, that hollow that burns deep within my chest isn't the same as yours. It doesn't mean that I don't still struggle every fucking day to make sense of everything. It doesn't mean that I drive around in a super fancy car and live life without worries.

It means that I choose to live life as comfortably as I could. A good friend of mine once told me "money isn't everything, but sometimes it might make getting through the day a little easier"

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