Just for a little background , last night, I went to see Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith with my ex. She invited me, and even bought my ticket. It was a good movie, at best, but this diatribe I'm about to start will not be about Anakin/Darth Vader or how awesome R2-D2 is. In fact, it will be about the downfall of my relationship(s) and the feelings I've been attempting to deal with over the past couple of weeks. If you have no interest in this, please, don't read any further.
"So what's going on? You've got me to read this far, so it'd better be good."
I was fine with going to said movie until the day before, when I realized that we hadn't really spoken much or even seen eachother since we broke up. And then I began to become a bit depressed because this girl, as amazing as she is, simply lost interest in me. That's not something I can take very lightly. I hate the fact that someone who basically asked me for a monogamous relationship, wanted to end it because I didn't fit her requirements for a "serious" relationship. I must have at some point, or we never would have started it. I haven't changed one bit since it started, so I don't know why she changed her mind.
"Despite the outcome, why not view it in a good way?"
Sure, I could view all of it as a positive, the whole "She was interested in you enough to have you around for as long as she did, that should mean something" thing, but I can't. The fact that she lost that interest is what fucking drills that hole in my "heart" that much deeper. What the fuck do I have to do to keep someone involved with me for longer than four months? Seriously folks, I'm zero out of four. With my four previous "serious and monogamous" relationships I've had, they've only lasted four months tops because they lost interest, or as I was told last night, reached the point of them asking themselves "Can I see this as something with a future?" and then replying to themselves with "No." . As much as I'd like to think that I'm as nice, smart, funny, somewhat good-looking, and all-around-great as my friends and even my exes say I am, the fact that I can't keep a relationship intact for any extended period of time leaves me to think otherwise.
"Why don't you just move on and see what else there is to offer?"
My problem with moving on from failed relationships lies in the fact that I've never been the one to end a relationship because I had felt it didn't have a future. Sure, I've had inklings of doubt in relationships (Surprisingly enough, even with the my most recent one, and only a couple months into it, to boot.) but I always put them into the back of my mind and dismissed them as bullshit. And sure enough, months later I'm the one being told that they're having doubts and that we need to end it. When it gets to that point, they're already ready to move on, but I', not. But why did I dismiss those intial feelings of doubt? Because I felt that I could remove them, or at the very least, find a way to deal with them. I also hate the thought of hurting someone else. So, in the end, I'm always the one left hurt and wishing they would change thier minds.
It's interesting to note that with each unsuccessful relationship, the "getting over" thing has progressively become harder.
#1: She moved to Texas, and stopped corresponding with me altogether, due to the fact that she had became very mentally unstable.
#2: Eventually stopped working at the same mall as I did, and became very pious. But, I still saw her every once in a while. Since then, thankfully, she's actually become one of my best friends.
#3: A big mistake because she was a co-worker. So, I had to continue working with her after we broke up, until she went back to school. She still worked on weekends though, and I finally got over her when I moved here last year.
#4: We have quite a few friends in common, and frequent the same club every once in a while. A lot of the people I've become friends with over the past year are close friends with her. And as lame it it seems, she's a HUGE "Star Wars" geek, and there's no hope of me escaping that onslaught for quite some time now. She essentially has, with no intention, a grip on my life. Everything seems to remind me of her.
"Well, what now, douchebag?"
There is one positive that came out of the end of this relationship. She wants to be "good friends". She still wants to talk with me, hang out with me, and even wants me to show up randomly at her place. She still even wants me to go to Disney with her and our friends. She says that she still cares about me and that she would never want us to be "weird", or to not like eachother. But that positive, as my way of thinking always finds, has a negative to it, because I'm still into her. I don't know if I'm going to be able to turn off these feelings I have for her. Damn it, damn it all to hell.
Reply if you'd like, especially if you've bothered to read this far. Just please don't give me any of that "There's someone out there just for you, you just haven't found her yet." bullshit. How could that statement hold true for everyone if every day, people die without ever finding thier "soul-mate"? Huh? Didn't think so...
"So what's going on? You've got me to read this far, so it'd better be good."
I was fine with going to said movie until the day before, when I realized that we hadn't really spoken much or even seen eachother since we broke up. And then I began to become a bit depressed because this girl, as amazing as she is, simply lost interest in me. That's not something I can take very lightly. I hate the fact that someone who basically asked me for a monogamous relationship, wanted to end it because I didn't fit her requirements for a "serious" relationship. I must have at some point, or we never would have started it. I haven't changed one bit since it started, so I don't know why she changed her mind.
"Despite the outcome, why not view it in a good way?"
Sure, I could view all of it as a positive, the whole "She was interested in you enough to have you around for as long as she did, that should mean something" thing, but I can't. The fact that she lost that interest is what fucking drills that hole in my "heart" that much deeper. What the fuck do I have to do to keep someone involved with me for longer than four months? Seriously folks, I'm zero out of four. With my four previous "serious and monogamous" relationships I've had, they've only lasted four months tops because they lost interest, or as I was told last night, reached the point of them asking themselves "Can I see this as something with a future?" and then replying to themselves with "No." . As much as I'd like to think that I'm as nice, smart, funny, somewhat good-looking, and all-around-great as my friends and even my exes say I am, the fact that I can't keep a relationship intact for any extended period of time leaves me to think otherwise.
"Why don't you just move on and see what else there is to offer?"
My problem with moving on from failed relationships lies in the fact that I've never been the one to end a relationship because I had felt it didn't have a future. Sure, I've had inklings of doubt in relationships (Surprisingly enough, even with the my most recent one, and only a couple months into it, to boot.) but I always put them into the back of my mind and dismissed them as bullshit. And sure enough, months later I'm the one being told that they're having doubts and that we need to end it. When it gets to that point, they're already ready to move on, but I', not. But why did I dismiss those intial feelings of doubt? Because I felt that I could remove them, or at the very least, find a way to deal with them. I also hate the thought of hurting someone else. So, in the end, I'm always the one left hurt and wishing they would change thier minds.
It's interesting to note that with each unsuccessful relationship, the "getting over" thing has progressively become harder.
#1: She moved to Texas, and stopped corresponding with me altogether, due to the fact that she had became very mentally unstable.
#2: Eventually stopped working at the same mall as I did, and became very pious. But, I still saw her every once in a while. Since then, thankfully, she's actually become one of my best friends.
#3: A big mistake because she was a co-worker. So, I had to continue working with her after we broke up, until she went back to school. She still worked on weekends though, and I finally got over her when I moved here last year.
#4: We have quite a few friends in common, and frequent the same club every once in a while. A lot of the people I've become friends with over the past year are close friends with her. And as lame it it seems, she's a HUGE "Star Wars" geek, and there's no hope of me escaping that onslaught for quite some time now. She essentially has, with no intention, a grip on my life. Everything seems to remind me of her.
"Well, what now, douchebag?"
There is one positive that came out of the end of this relationship. She wants to be "good friends". She still wants to talk with me, hang out with me, and even wants me to show up randomly at her place. She still even wants me to go to Disney with her and our friends. She says that she still cares about me and that she would never want us to be "weird", or to not like eachother. But that positive, as my way of thinking always finds, has a negative to it, because I'm still into her. I don't know if I'm going to be able to turn off these feelings I have for her. Damn it, damn it all to hell.
Reply if you'd like, especially if you've bothered to read this far. Just please don't give me any of that "There's someone out there just for you, you just haven't found her yet." bullshit. How could that statement hold true for everyone if every day, people die without ever finding thier "soul-mate"? Huh? Didn't think so...
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
Post relationship good friends are usually "weird' to each other in some way. It may be too stressful to try to maintain a friendship-only reliationship. But that's just my thought on the issue