thefuckoffkid

Hello all.

Driving with TFOG is amusing (which happens every day, to and from work), although sometimes we say to one another "What would people think if they heard us talking?" because the inside references and in-jokes are just overwhelming. And the things I find hilariously funny don't always sound funny written down, but they're hilarious at the time because they just come out of the blue.

Driving to work one morning, she was holding a banana (odd enough in that bananas are her least favourite fruit). At a traffic light, she put the tip of the banana in my ear and exclaimed "Freeze! Or I'll blow your brains out." Later on, the same action was accompanied by variations ("Brain! Or I'll freeze your blows out!").

See? Not all that funny written down later, but hilarious at the time.

There was the time when she was watching people scurrying across the road. To set this up, you have to understand her slight misanthropic edge, which is manifested by her oft-used and unflattering phrase, "People are lumps."

So, watching the people darting this way and that, she observed that "the lumps are scuttling." She pondered for a few moments further then declared: "I'd like to be God, so every now and then I could send down natural disasters and watch the lumps scuttle."

(To understand how weirdly connected we are, by the time she got to "and" I knew what was coming, and spoke the words "watch the lumps scuttle" along with her.)

The other morning as we drove to work, I heard thumps at my side. TFOG was firmly hitting the passenger-side window with her knuckles every time we passed someone walking on the footpath. Somewhat unsure, I asked "What are you doing?"

As if the answer were obvious, she said: "Punching down the lumps."

Those lumps didn't even know what hit 'em.