thefreak

Hey, kids.

Well, after a year and a half, my relationship is no more.

I'm basically a clueless retard who has issues w/realizing that something's wrong. Heather and I had a long talk, where a lot of feelings on both ends were shared, many on her end I didn't realize, and we just realized that we wouldn't be able to change enough for each other in order for us to be together in a fruitful relationship. The split is amicable and we still very much want to remain friends.

However...

I feel like a total tool who didn't realize that I wasn't giving her what she really needed to be truly happy. I feel @fault for everything imploding all @once while I thought everything was OK. She has the right to be able to have a relationship where she can get what she truly wants (namely, marriage and kids, while I have no desire for either). However, the fact she was so upset makes me feel *this* big. I fucking hate myself right now. She has done so much for me, and become a big part of my life. If she had never been in it to begin with, I just wouldn't be the same Freak you've all come to love.

I cried. Hard. I sobbed little a little FUCKING bitch, more than I have ever in my 25 years on this planet. Certainly not something to help your ego. Be that as it may, too much "stereotypical male behavior" as it is, that's just how I am.

I want her to be happy. I just fail @life for not being able to do more.

Leave me some love. I could really use it right now. I just have no more to say.

-TM