25 years ago today, I made the arduous trek out of the zombified vaginal caverns of a certifiably insane human-jackal hybrid.
My gourd. I'm a quarter-century old.
25 years...let's think about some of the things that happened in that length of time:
-The fall of the Soviet Union, whether by a senile commander-in-chief, a fictional boxer, or an Olympic hockey team
-The best decade of Saturday morning cartoons that will ever be
-Bill Gates made more $$$ than Jesus selling crack
-White Boy Rappers
-Tom Cruise: Sexy young actor to deranged meat puppet of Some Space Demon Of Doom (patent pending)
-That thing they call the Internet, and all the illegally downloaded music and horse porn it entails
-"MC Hammer" pants
-This:
-Boobs made a huge comeback
-MTV stopped playing...MUSIC TELEVISION...who'da fucking thunk?
-This:
-People still hate the New York Yankees
-Did I mention boobs?
-Same as the thing I mentioned about boobs, except replace "boobs" with "monkeys" and "midgets"
-Michael Jackson became a middle-aged white woman
-Arcades just aren't what they used to be anymore
-Richard Simmons = gayer than ever
-Jeopardy. 'Nuff said.
I can't help but feel...different being a quarter-century old. You start to wonder where the time went, as well wondering what the future will be like. For me, if the experience of having a giant, misshappen head due to the negative effects of the zombified vaginal caverns of aforementioned crazy jackal thing, which in turn became filled with useless knowledge and humor that makes Satan cringe, has taught me anything...it's that I can use that power to enslave humanity and become supreme overlord of the earth.
Or...I can sit on my couch in the nude, drink beer and watch Monty Python. FUCK it, it's my birthday!
Hope you are well, as always. 
Stay tuned...
-TM
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Wishlist? What wishlist?
