Sorry, I'm not used to the writing part of this thing.
This is not thefreak. This is actually his assistant / resident mandrill, Manny the Mandrill.
^ That's me.
thefreak asked me to take care of a journal update, as he has been rather boring over the past week and has little to talk about. He feels a subpar journal wrought with writer's block would be a disappointment to you all, and that would fill him with...
...hold on, have to check my notes to see what he wrote......ah, here it is.
"Teh sadface."
...
I honestly have no fucking clue what that means. Damn kids these days and their jive talk.
But, I'm willing to help your, *ahem*, "Friendly Neighborhood Freak", is it? with the task of filling you with laughter and general mirth by way of type and pretty pictures. Like this:
That's a picture some guy took near my old stomping grounds in the Congo. Kind of a dreary life, actually. Eating twigs and berries...fighting off less dominant males...sweaty. rampant, unadulterated ape sex...boy, was there sex...But I got bored after a while. I needed a change.
So I came here to the U.S. looking for a job, but a lot of people were reluctant to hire a mandrill assistant. I mean, my resume was solid, but I think my headshot was less than flattering.
You'll be happy to know I tore out that hack photographer's jugular and ate his soul.
That's a joke. It sounds a little extreme, I know. Our mandrill humor loses a bit in translation.
We're occasionally "charisma-impaired", as it were.
But I digress...as I had started to lose all hope, I was soon contacted by your friend thefreak, whose monkey obsession would soon be his (and my) gain. He said he could use a monkey assistant for his various ventures on the Internet.
Though I pointed out that mandrills were apes, not monkeys, he said that wouldn't matter, and that he liked the cut of my jib. I accepted his offer, and I've been working for him ever since.
He's a good man to work for. A bit eccentric @times (he has a stalkerish love for Tom Jones, it would seem) but his heart's in the right place. He's a good chap.
It's my understanding that my first appearance here......unnerved some people, though thefreak did his best to calm those fears. I'm a very laid back mandrill. I'm a bit of a movie buff, I have a weakness for fast-living women (I do have a few "notches" on my belt as it were. My friends back in the Congo would be quite jealous) and I do love a good cognac in the evenings.
Well, that's about it where I'm involved, really. I hope this has helped you learn a little more about me, so you'll be a little more inclined to say hello when I'm around.
Though if you annoy me before I've had my coffee in the morning, I will bare my teeth, and that's a bowel-loosening scare for anyone to witness.
thefreak says "You haters better not mess with Manny! He'll tear yo' ass UP!"
...whatever that means.
He asked me before I finished to do another entry in one of those widely-popular journal segments of his. However, since I don't care about some puny little rhesus monkey, I feel the need for..."creative editing."
KNOW YOUR MONKEYS
Mandrill
The Mandrill (Mandrillus sphinx) is a primate of the Cercopithecidae (Old-world monkeys) family, closely related to the baboons and even more closely to the Drill. Both the Mandrill and the Drill were once classified as baboons in genus Papio, but recent research has determined that they should be separated into their own genus, Mandrillus. The Mandrill is the world's largest monkey species. The word mandrill means "man-ape".
The Mandrill is recognized by its olive-colored fur and colorful face and rump amongst males, a coloration that grows stronger with sexual maturity; females have duller colors. This coloration becomes more pronounced as the monkey becomes excited. The coloration on the rump is thought to enhance visibility in the thick vegetation of the rainforest and aids in group movement.
Males can weigh up to 60 lb (30 kg), females about half as much. They can grow to be about 1 m long (39 in) and can survive up to 25 years in captivity. Females reach sexual maturity at about 3.5 years.
The Mandrill is found in the tropical rainforests of West Africa (Southern Nigeria, South Cameroon, Gabon, and Congo). It is a social creature and may be found in groups ranging from 5 to 50 individuals, led by an older dominant male. Six to seven of these groups may come together during the dry season to form a troop of over 200 individuals.
The Mandrill is an omnivore and acquires its food by foraging (mainly plants, insects and smaller animals) from the ground as it is terrestrial, although it may climb trees occasionally to sleep. Its main natural predators are leopards and cheetahs. Because of over-hunting by humans, the Mandrill has become endangered. The situation is exacerbated by deforestation causing Mandrill habitats to disappear.
Although the Mandrill does not normally hunt larger prey, on some occasions males have been observed to hunt and consume duiker (a small antelope). Despite this it is well adapted to fighting and is not to be provoked.
Learn more about mandrills on Wikipedia
Well, what do you know....I'm not technically an ape after all.
That, and that mandrill up there kind of looks like my Uncle Chet. Small world.
Well, that's about all for now. This is quite an interesting site here, full of beautiful ladies in various stages of undress and erotic display. I feel the need to post a picture of myself in a moment of indiginous nudity.
And ladies, I'm single! Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Well, I hope you ladies and gentlemen are doing well in your daily lives. Feel free to drop by and say hello.
-Manny
P.S. thefreak says he'll do his best to be more interesting this week so he has something to write about. In the meantime he'll be running around leaving comments in your journals. He apologizes for his absence the past few days.
let's play some fucking mariokart.