I was a nice guy once (though I do admit, I was nice to the girls for the obvious reasons). No one gave a damn. Now that I'm an asshole (self-proclaimed) no one gives a damn and I'm an asshole. This world makes me weary. Why do women insist on complaining how bad a guy is (and I'm talking about the times when the guy is 100% true jerk, abusive and unloving) yet never leaves him and loves him and never open themselves up to a true chance of finding a wonderful guy? Is it like the Matrix where humans base their existence on their misery?
No, I haven't been drinking. I should.
Ah, utter loneliness. It becomes a numbness, where your once thoughts of intimate intellectual intercourse has been abandoned and your only concern is the carnel primal instinct of our species. Primal needs. Now all I person has is the menagerie of Suicide Girls (as lovely as they are) who he will never know nor will ever know him. The only intellectual intercourse is through a handful of SG threads, each comment made a sould-racked admission that he only wishes someone would pick up on; woah, that's deep, how profound, that's poignant as shit. Alas, very few venture here (at least no hate comments have come my way, I do take solace in the little things).
Fame is overrated. What I wanted my achievement to be? Famed and adored by a single sexually opposite female of my own species (for some reason girl cats seem to like me for reasons I don't want to begin to consider). A life would be made complete by a single (female) sould just giving a damn. Why should that be so much to ask? Afterall, the empty shells that most girls date, fuck and marry has a girl that will date, fuck and marry them. With things as they are right now, personally, it is funny how this one subject is the one that causes me the most grief. I look around (when I have to be out and about) to observe how people live. Ever seen an old couple walking hand in hand walking down the beach? Ever seen a young girl finally realize that the kid she used to think was so icky last year (in 2nd grade) is really kind of nice, snot eating and all?
No. We see couples of any age yelling at each other. A married couple don't have that moment of attraction in a day where they pause and just look at each other, communicating without thoughts and words (if they had it ever). No words or thoughts are needed. Battered girls stay with abusive boys. Instead of being happy a couple would rather argue fuss and fight. The world is sad, Love, like Rock n' Roll, is dead. Even empathy is low. Only apathy.
I've gone on too long on a personal tangent (yeah, my journal but the few people who happen by do not wish to hear such meanderings). In a final soul explosion, I'll share here what would make life perfect. Of course this is my personal concoction so it may not work for you. You ready? I want a girl who wants to be Loved (are couples allowed to have meaningful conversations with each other anymore? Honestly, I want to know). I want to work for a person (or have plenty of money where I keep my Love happy and spend the day writing and prophesizing, that would work too) who doesn't see me as a number or a cubicle or not at all; I want to be respected for what I do (and in return I'll work harder to live up to that person's standards, God, don't employers know how well that would work). I want a friend. Some guy I can turn to in the middle of the night if I need. No, more than that, he'd be a brother (I've given up my family because they have given up on me; I have a brother by blood but not by soul).
That's it. Love. Friendship. Respect where it is deserved. I don't care what I eat, where I sleep. Those are my needs and they are the things I'm denied. Why? I'm pragmatic to know that may never happen, any of it. It is sad to be of this age and realize only half your life has gone, the good half, and things can only get worse. Ah, I've said too much, touched on things that no one cares about in this world. Things that if they have they take for granted. The few times I found a fleeting bliss in what I thought was one of these things I never took it for granted. Never. I reminded myself every day when I awoke. That's why I disdain people who don't understand what they have. They just want more.
If you read this far you may offer a salutation such as "things'll work out" or things aren't that bad." Don't bother with those. They've been said several times before (and it's possible that my elongated essay here is useless rhetoric). If, however, you are of the tortured cloth that my soul was fashioned from, and you've made it this far (for that alone I congratulate you), allow me to extend friendly sentiments. You don't have to answer, probably be better if you didn't, but know that if you have a mere idea of what I've written about then we are a kindred. I may be an asshole but I'm a pure heart.
Yep, I've said too much in my own journal. I love all my SGs (and Group commentors for their witty repart). Thanks for giving some comfort to the pain.
No, I haven't been drinking. I should.
Ah, utter loneliness. It becomes a numbness, where your once thoughts of intimate intellectual intercourse has been abandoned and your only concern is the carnel primal instinct of our species. Primal needs. Now all I person has is the menagerie of Suicide Girls (as lovely as they are) who he will never know nor will ever know him. The only intellectual intercourse is through a handful of SG threads, each comment made a sould-racked admission that he only wishes someone would pick up on; woah, that's deep, how profound, that's poignant as shit. Alas, very few venture here (at least no hate comments have come my way, I do take solace in the little things).
Fame is overrated. What I wanted my achievement to be? Famed and adored by a single sexually opposite female of my own species (for some reason girl cats seem to like me for reasons I don't want to begin to consider). A life would be made complete by a single (female) sould just giving a damn. Why should that be so much to ask? Afterall, the empty shells that most girls date, fuck and marry has a girl that will date, fuck and marry them. With things as they are right now, personally, it is funny how this one subject is the one that causes me the most grief. I look around (when I have to be out and about) to observe how people live. Ever seen an old couple walking hand in hand walking down the beach? Ever seen a young girl finally realize that the kid she used to think was so icky last year (in 2nd grade) is really kind of nice, snot eating and all?
No. We see couples of any age yelling at each other. A married couple don't have that moment of attraction in a day where they pause and just look at each other, communicating without thoughts and words (if they had it ever). No words or thoughts are needed. Battered girls stay with abusive boys. Instead of being happy a couple would rather argue fuss and fight. The world is sad, Love, like Rock n' Roll, is dead. Even empathy is low. Only apathy.
I've gone on too long on a personal tangent (yeah, my journal but the few people who happen by do not wish to hear such meanderings). In a final soul explosion, I'll share here what would make life perfect. Of course this is my personal concoction so it may not work for you. You ready? I want a girl who wants to be Loved (are couples allowed to have meaningful conversations with each other anymore? Honestly, I want to know). I want to work for a person (or have plenty of money where I keep my Love happy and spend the day writing and prophesizing, that would work too) who doesn't see me as a number or a cubicle or not at all; I want to be respected for what I do (and in return I'll work harder to live up to that person's standards, God, don't employers know how well that would work). I want a friend. Some guy I can turn to in the middle of the night if I need. No, more than that, he'd be a brother (I've given up my family because they have given up on me; I have a brother by blood but not by soul).
That's it. Love. Friendship. Respect where it is deserved. I don't care what I eat, where I sleep. Those are my needs and they are the things I'm denied. Why? I'm pragmatic to know that may never happen, any of it. It is sad to be of this age and realize only half your life has gone, the good half, and things can only get worse. Ah, I've said too much, touched on things that no one cares about in this world. Things that if they have they take for granted. The few times I found a fleeting bliss in what I thought was one of these things I never took it for granted. Never. I reminded myself every day when I awoke. That's why I disdain people who don't understand what they have. They just want more.
If you read this far you may offer a salutation such as "things'll work out" or things aren't that bad." Don't bother with those. They've been said several times before (and it's possible that my elongated essay here is useless rhetoric). If, however, you are of the tortured cloth that my soul was fashioned from, and you've made it this far (for that alone I congratulate you), allow me to extend friendly sentiments. You don't have to answer, probably be better if you didn't, but know that if you have a mere idea of what I've written about then we are a kindred. I may be an asshole but I'm a pure heart.
Yep, I've said too much in my own journal. I love all my SGs (and Group commentors for their witty repart). Thanks for giving some comfort to the pain.