thefly

So there's this girl...

Or I should say was. We went to school together. High school. Many years have passed since those hellish days of honor societies and proms (ten years to be exact). Our reunion came and went. I didn't go. After ten years and college I'm unemployed and homeless... you do the math. No one you really wanted to see is ever there. Anyways, on Valentine's Day, once again being alone, I got the crazy idea that I'd do something I'd never do. So there's this girl, small, petite and shy girl from high school I used to know. On our alma mater's website is her contact info. So I chose a nice iCard from Apple's website just for the holiday and sent it with a non-commital, friendly verse. Nothing too pink and hearted. She responded jovially and that began a lavish week of get-to-know-you-again emails. It was nice to have something to look forward to when waking in the morning. She was still in her hometown, our school's town working as an elementary school teacher (we passed a few times in college, shared a laborious physics lab at the time). Anyone who's been keeping tabs on this ol' journal knows I've moved from the grand (I mean, cess pool) Myrtle Beach to rural NC. Well, I'm sure we both realized that the emails were getting more personal, not intimate, just friendlier. I had reason to head back to MB and opted for us to meet. She wasn't opposed to the idea but wouldn't give me a definite answer of how we should go about it (what with her teaching schedule and her daughter and home life).

I was under the impression that she was of the down-trodden sort I was. But this once wallflower now served as the center of the party, the club girl that never existed before. The once shy youth was now an outspoken, oft-time demanding young woman. Though she earnestly spoke of finding true love she said many of her relationships ended because of her bossiness. With reservations I embarked to whence I came to TCB. I received a phone number to reach her at, called in once in town. No answer. Called again later. Nada. The next day I got an email:

I don't think I'll be able to make it. Sorry.

She was never long in prose but this seemed... cold, distant. I was disturbed by this. I had looked forward to seeing her. Many of my friends in the area, with whom knew I could be seeing a girl thought I had alterior motives (which I could had, I'll keep my options open). I just wanted to meet an old acquaintance/potential new friend. This ended up just like every other old friend/flame I tried to get in touch with. I responded to this awkward email by saying that I hoped nothing had happened to her family and we'd talk later. Being she only has a computer during the week, Monday I got a response saying that she wasn't thinking of me in THAT way and didn't want to lead me on. I wrote back I didn't think of her in THAT way, I was just looking to get together and get to know someone, as she had suggested in earlier emails. The everything was turned around and made to be my fault, that she never said anything about a date and how she had many guy friends and that I assured her I had other business and that I wasn't coming just to see her.

I didn't go just to see her, I had other business. She spoke of having many of the ideals that I do and wanting a lot of what I strive for. I thought, in the very least, there was a kindred spirit.

I was wrong. Actions, friends and neighbors, speak louder than words. On the Friday of that week she had social plans (ie, had to go clubbing). Saturday, for some reason I could be scheduled in though I was already scheduled in, a meeting of old classmates, an artist and a school teacher chewing the fat and speaking of old and new ideas. Should I be upset that everyone seems to be this way? Should I take such correspondences with levity? Should I find some problem with the fact that she rejected our meeting after asking (demanding) and receiving a jpg likeness of yours truly? Why can't people be honest with each other? Why can't yes mean yes and no mean no, why couldn't plans be broken in a cordial way and not by simple avoidance? Why can't humans stop playing games and be nice? Just nice?

So she continues on touting dreams of kisses in the rain and everlasting love and how life is full of happiness and wonder while causing me the exact opposite; actions that cause hurt and makes me question people making me surrender to my pragmatic, stoic way of viewing the world? I only wanted a friend and honesty. I got the runaround.

The girl I knew ten years ago wasn't like that. I wonder what kind of life would turn a shy girl into a demanding, party-loving primadonna? I know many will criticize my thoughts here but consider this story as if you were in it. In either role. She was very big about viewing things from another person's point of view. I don't think little miss bossy viewed or even considered the position me or my big black boots were in.