hello all
it's been a while since I've made a blog post of any kind on any site, so I thought why not?
in all honesty, I wish I could say this would be an upbeat chipper post, but I can't say that it will be in full honesty, this isn't to say that it will be a sad one, but read on and we'll find out together...
I'm not sure what I said of my last post, but I've since graduated from SF State (back in May of 2008), a little over a month ago, I moved to Venice Beach, and by move, I mean I live on my friend's couch on a experimental basis to see if I can find a job to pay rent, he's been so gracious as to let me stay there for free for a few months until I find that ever so elusive job, I have about a month left per our agreement
now for the sad part:
lately, I can't help but feel like a waste, and in more than one area of my life too. I've been feeling a lot of pressure from all sides to find a job. You'd think it would be easier with a college degree, but when that degree is in film, I might as well have wiped my ass with it. finding a job, nevermind one in the film industry, is nigh impossible. my friend's roommate (who is more than a little childish and has not been taking her schizophrenia medication) keeps confronting me about finding a job and paying rent so that she doesn't have to pay as much as she does for hers. in all honesty, she really shouldn't have moved out of her house to begin with, but that is neither here nor there or even my place to comment. the point is, I need a job, and no one wants to hire me, and with 15 dollars in my bank account at the time of this authoring, that's where most of the pressure I feel is coming from
while on the topic of college degrees, I recently got the official rejection letter from my first choice grad school. granted I've known for a while that I didn't get in on account that I was never contacted for an interview, there's just something about an official letter saying, "thanks, but no thanks" that just makes it sink in. normally, I handle academic rejection well. NYU rejected me almost straight out of the gate and I was fine with it, but this school (American Film Institute) I was in love with. It has an amazing campus, amazing program (the best in the country for my specific discipline), amazing professors (industry professionals), amazing facilities, and amazing post-graduate opportunities. I'm still waiting to hear back from two more schools (Chapman and UCLA), but after getting rejected from AFI, everything else just feels like I'd be settling, that is, if I even get into those other schools...
there's also one last thing that's generally putting me in sour dispositions as of late. I've come to notice that I don't have that many friends. this isn't to say that I have no friends at all; I do. the problem is that while these few friends are very close friends, I hardly even get to see them that often. I suppose this feeling is mainly a result of being in school for so many years of my life, from high school to community college to four year university, and being in close proximity to the same group of people for so many extended years at a time. I just miss having a large group of friends and, generally speaking, I miss being wanted. I'm not even entirely sure how to articulate what I'm feeling, but I just feel so damned alone. I don't know.
feeding into that is also the traditional "oh woe is me, I can't find a girl' troubles, but at 15 dollars in my bank account, I'm not particularly complaining, so while it may be nice to have a soft girl to call my own and to get dirty with, I'm not going to get all fussy about that one
so that's what I'm feeling in a nutshell, if you made it this far, thanks for reading
(sorry if it got more and more discombobulated as I went on, for some reason my sense of height is going all out of whack and I feel like I'm getting higher and higher from the laptop and my hands with each passing moment, and no, I'm intoxicated or inebriated on anything, maybe it's an inner ear thing or I've just been sitting still for too long, oh well)
it's been a while since I've made a blog post of any kind on any site, so I thought why not?
in all honesty, I wish I could say this would be an upbeat chipper post, but I can't say that it will be in full honesty, this isn't to say that it will be a sad one, but read on and we'll find out together...
I'm not sure what I said of my last post, but I've since graduated from SF State (back in May of 2008), a little over a month ago, I moved to Venice Beach, and by move, I mean I live on my friend's couch on a experimental basis to see if I can find a job to pay rent, he's been so gracious as to let me stay there for free for a few months until I find that ever so elusive job, I have about a month left per our agreement
now for the sad part:
lately, I can't help but feel like a waste, and in more than one area of my life too. I've been feeling a lot of pressure from all sides to find a job. You'd think it would be easier with a college degree, but when that degree is in film, I might as well have wiped my ass with it. finding a job, nevermind one in the film industry, is nigh impossible. my friend's roommate (who is more than a little childish and has not been taking her schizophrenia medication) keeps confronting me about finding a job and paying rent so that she doesn't have to pay as much as she does for hers. in all honesty, she really shouldn't have moved out of her house to begin with, but that is neither here nor there or even my place to comment. the point is, I need a job, and no one wants to hire me, and with 15 dollars in my bank account at the time of this authoring, that's where most of the pressure I feel is coming from
while on the topic of college degrees, I recently got the official rejection letter from my first choice grad school. granted I've known for a while that I didn't get in on account that I was never contacted for an interview, there's just something about an official letter saying, "thanks, but no thanks" that just makes it sink in. normally, I handle academic rejection well. NYU rejected me almost straight out of the gate and I was fine with it, but this school (American Film Institute) I was in love with. It has an amazing campus, amazing program (the best in the country for my specific discipline), amazing professors (industry professionals), amazing facilities, and amazing post-graduate opportunities. I'm still waiting to hear back from two more schools (Chapman and UCLA), but after getting rejected from AFI, everything else just feels like I'd be settling, that is, if I even get into those other schools...
there's also one last thing that's generally putting me in sour dispositions as of late. I've come to notice that I don't have that many friends. this isn't to say that I have no friends at all; I do. the problem is that while these few friends are very close friends, I hardly even get to see them that often. I suppose this feeling is mainly a result of being in school for so many years of my life, from high school to community college to four year university, and being in close proximity to the same group of people for so many extended years at a time. I just miss having a large group of friends and, generally speaking, I miss being wanted. I'm not even entirely sure how to articulate what I'm feeling, but I just feel so damned alone. I don't know.
feeding into that is also the traditional "oh woe is me, I can't find a girl' troubles, but at 15 dollars in my bank account, I'm not particularly complaining, so while it may be nice to have a soft girl to call my own and to get dirty with, I'm not going to get all fussy about that one
so that's what I'm feeling in a nutshell, if you made it this far, thanks for reading
(sorry if it got more and more discombobulated as I went on, for some reason my sense of height is going all out of whack and I feel like I'm getting higher and higher from the laptop and my hands with each passing moment, and no, I'm intoxicated or inebriated on anything, maybe it's an inner ear thing or I've just been sitting still for too long, oh well)
kedavra:
I was watching the news earlier. They said the economy might be looking up by the end of this year. Maybe that will open up some job opportunities.I hope?