Tomorrow is like start of week three of the war, right? I've been so weak since the start of this thing -- it's just eating my soul this thing.
I feel like I'm gonna collapse if I let myself stand still. I just cried like hell watching "Beyond Rangoon" on cable -- was so nice to cry for a change. This weakness, it reminds me of when I was severely anemic a handful of years ago -- I had to get a blood test (wanted to be absolutley sure I was 100% a'ight, this is right before I was married understand) and the shitty doctor (ex-Army) in Tennessee had all the right info. in front of him and didn't put two and two together.
What happened is, after I was stabbed twice in the chest in that mugging ten years ago, the muscle that connects my tum and my throat -- esophageal sphincter -- it just said 'fuck it' and stopped working, so the acid from my stomach kept going into my throat and it was making me bleed from inside, from my esophagus. Now you don't have nerves in there so you don't realize it but I was tired alla time from bleeding out.
FINALLY a year later after moving to Seattle, I saw a decent doctor who figured it out -- only by now I'd developed a condition, Barrett's Esophagus, which is pre-cancerous. I fully intend to keep things on the pre- side, but it's def. quite a thing to have, something like this.
My point is that I haven't felt so tired since THEN, and then I was fucking bleeding out all the time. That Tennessee doctor you know what he told me? He told me to eat more red meat!!! Asshole.
My point is that I am drained and raddled and very bummed tonight. I have to go leave the house soon and I plain don't wanna. It'll help to see other folks but I just want to cocoon and hibernate and hide, with the TV OFF. I hate feeling that way 'cause it seems so fucking apathetic though!
I feel like I'm gonna collapse if I let myself stand still. I just cried like hell watching "Beyond Rangoon" on cable -- was so nice to cry for a change. This weakness, it reminds me of when I was severely anemic a handful of years ago -- I had to get a blood test (wanted to be absolutley sure I was 100% a'ight, this is right before I was married understand) and the shitty doctor (ex-Army) in Tennessee had all the right info. in front of him and didn't put two and two together.
What happened is, after I was stabbed twice in the chest in that mugging ten years ago, the muscle that connects my tum and my throat -- esophageal sphincter -- it just said 'fuck it' and stopped working, so the acid from my stomach kept going into my throat and it was making me bleed from inside, from my esophagus. Now you don't have nerves in there so you don't realize it but I was tired alla time from bleeding out.
FINALLY a year later after moving to Seattle, I saw a decent doctor who figured it out -- only by now I'd developed a condition, Barrett's Esophagus, which is pre-cancerous. I fully intend to keep things on the pre- side, but it's def. quite a thing to have, something like this.
My point is that I haven't felt so tired since THEN, and then I was fucking bleeding out all the time. That Tennessee doctor you know what he told me? He told me to eat more red meat!!! Asshole.
My point is that I am drained and raddled and very bummed tonight. I have to go leave the house soon and I plain don't wanna. It'll help to see other folks but I just want to cocoon and hibernate and hide, with the TV OFF. I hate feeling that way 'cause it seems so fucking apathetic though!