So I am out at the bar and these two female friends of mine are telling me all about the shit they go through every night at the bar.

Example: Newfie-ish guy comes up to them:

"Hey ladies, I'm not trying to pick you guys up or anything, but I've got a hotel room and a case of beer..."

Wow. How do the ladies resist that?

I'm standing there talking to them, and they are both facing me and talking only to me, and yet these guys are still coming up and trying to hit on them! And not even smoothly or even anything approaching reality. One guy has the nerve to come up and reach behind one of them and tuck in the label on her top - just reaches right in there - while we are talking!

What the fuck?

(I think I actually said that out loud - and the guy looked up, got frightened and ran away)

There are some days I want to hide my penis in shame for the lows that my gender will steep to.

So, now when I see them I keep trying to come up with better pick up lines for them. The last one was "Hey ladies, I am not trying to pick you up or anything, but I've got an 8ball of crack and a back alley..."

The other one that came to mind was " Hey ladies, I am not trying to pick you up or anything, but I've got a couple of rohypnol and a camper van in a parking lot..."

Man - strange shit... I told them to always reply that they have a couple of kids and they really want to meet their "new daddy"...