Christmas Cop
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop...
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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
40' Long and Stinky!
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I...
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What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
charlize:
I loved your joke! I laughed my ass off!!! 
Thanks so much. 
Thanks so much.
charlize:
Your wife is beautiful and your kids are soooooooooo cute!
Intellectual Bathroom Graffiti
Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You...
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Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You...
Read More
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
supergp:
Yeah, but you've got the joke thing to fall back on.
supergp:
Didn't read it. And, um, I almost did.
Choking
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper...
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A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
i have no idea what else is in mesa, which i think is good because i don't really like phx.
gosh i love reading you journal...where do you get all of this???
(or do you not want to let on to your secret joke stash
)
gosh i love reading you journal...where do you get all of this???
(or do you not want to let on to your secret joke stash
)
ormunroe:
Thank you for your kind words. All I know is that they better give him time off before he leaves or there will be some 'smoke in the city.' 
I'm trying to talk him into letting me try out. He's not completely against the idea but its going to take some time to wear him down. Ha
I'm trying to talk him into letting me try out. He's not completely against the idea but its going to take some time to wear him down. Ha
Efficiency Expert
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ''You don't want to try these techniques at home.''
''Why not?'' asked someone from the back of the audience. ''I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,'' the expert explained.
''She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time....
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The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ''You don't want to try these techniques at home.''
''Why not?'' asked someone from the back of the audience. ''I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,'' the expert explained.
''She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time....
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
vlo:
whichi s why i can no longer drink tequila after my work xmas party. last month is was black out bad.. ikeep hearing things i did, i stilldont remember. i just say now u are making it up
vlo:
money man ,.mmmmm...mami likey what she hears,, chaching chaching
If you have a joke or a good story to share please mail it to me!
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she...
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A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
poem:
you should feel special! The last thing I ever feel like doing on my day off is typing
missdates:
Did you get the express written permission for the picture you are using?
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one...
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So she unwrapped the package, took one...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
annamei:
unless you opted not to have your kiddies vaccinated they probably won't have the pox or measles. thank god i don't have them. its a HUGE relief
vlo:
You know what i look like,that pic is me...
Italian Bread
The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said, "Yes,...
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The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said, "Yes,...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
snowballinhell:
Oops, double posting!
[Edited on Jan 25, 2005 4:55PM]
[Edited on Jan 25, 2005 4:55PM]
snowballinhell:
Isn't it just, I pee'd myself the first time I saw it. Stupid squirrel
Smooches
Michelle xx
Smooches
Michelle xx
Free Sex
The owner of a gasoline station in Tattnall County, Georgia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a billboard showing "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP!"
Soon a local young man, Jim filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him "pick a number froom 1 to 10; if you pick the right number, you will get...
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The owner of a gasoline station in Tattnall County, Georgia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a billboard showing "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP!"
Soon a local young man, Jim filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him "pick a number froom 1 to 10; if you pick the right number, you will get...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
Its pretty fun, definitely worth a check out. A little limited on weapon selection, and such. The world is absolutely amazing though. Great Free former.
I never really got into the whole resident evil series. Devil may cry was the only game with the pre-rendered background cinematic camera thing that i could really enjoy. I was still kind of confused when nintendo got exclusive rights to the series.
I never really got into the whole resident evil series. Devil may cry was the only game with the pre-rendered background cinematic camera thing that i could really enjoy. I was still kind of confused when nintendo got exclusive rights to the series.
rhyn:
Sounds like a waste of money to me!!!
Moral
A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:
Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket...
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A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:
Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
noctem:
That's some funny shit man. Good luck with the education. Have fun. Hey, are you going to be on Live tonight? If so, send me an invite. Late.....
That's some funny shit man. Good luck with the education. Have fun. Hey, are you going to be on Live tonight? If so, send me an invite. Late.....
supergp:
Well, if you need any help with the math thingie, lemme know.
I'm somewhat good with the maths.
I'm somewhat good with the maths.
Theres just so many conflicting ideas of beauty...many of which I bought into for so long. Esp. ideas which were never meant to include me in the areas of height/shape/hair/style, etc.
Its hard getting out of the mire when you've spent so long thinking the problem lay with you and not with it. And hearing it from others you believed were right. I'm working on it.