Sheep!
Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine. "Honey," says Fred, "This is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available." "Fred," the wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a sheep." "Shut up," says Fred. "I wasn't talking to you."
Minor...
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Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine. "Honey," says Fred, "This is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available." "Fred," the wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a sheep." "Shut up," says Fred. "I wasn't talking to you."
Minor...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
charlize:
Always good for a laugh. 
supergp:
Because I've been to events where I'm surrounded by a bunch of happy couples, and it's just not good.
A Haunted Marriage.
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"...
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An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
vlo:
how did u know what i got.. heehee ... thanks for the funnyjoke .. xoxox 
thrasher:
We don't have the funds, with Anna starting her new job, until the 15th. If there are tickets left then we are planning on going.
I went to the first prom, so I could really go either way with it.
I went to the first prom, so I could really go either way with it.
A virgin hick!
Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and...
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Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
wildindigo:
How was the big party last night ? You guys seem like all of you are fun to be around....we don't have too many people around here like that....what was the decision about your car accident when you went to court the other day ??
amory:
Things have a way of working out for the best I think.
A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a...
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A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
ormunroe:
I'm okay. I talked to my husband about things the other night and after refusing to touch me for the rest of that night, he also went on the silent treatment for that night and the next day.
However, he finally saw fit to tell me that even asking him about that was 'shameful' and 'spitting on the sanctity of marriage.' He was angry but it still hurt to hear him say that to me. He came back and said that he loves me but he's just confused about me right now and hasn't elaborated.
I told him that this is something I can't make go away and he said he knows. So I'm just waiting to see what he has to say once he gets his feelings sorted out.
However, he finally saw fit to tell me that even asking him about that was 'shameful' and 'spitting on the sanctity of marriage.' He was angry but it still hurt to hear him say that to me. He came back and said that he loves me but he's just confused about me right now and hasn't elaborated.
I told him that this is something I can't make go away and he said he knows. So I'm just waiting to see what he has to say once he gets his feelings sorted out.
ormunroe:
Sorry about keeping you in my drama but I've sent you another email. 
Priceless
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,...
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Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
vlo:
what long island ice tea.. now i changed my mind again
noctem:
Hey what do you know? My girlfriend just left to go to her worthless bastard sister's place in Santa Anna. And I'm pissed too. Misery loves company man But I wanted to say thanks for your comment. Actually I don't have any manga influences, but you're not the first person who's thought that. Michael Turner a lot, but I'm trying to stray away from that now. I try to take a little from Joe Benitez, especially on my creatures and wierd shit. Those are the two main ones. I've done a few pictures of the Darkness, but none that I'm really happy with yet. When I do though, I'll send you a print, but I usually hang on to the origionals for my portfolio. Still trying to get a job in the industry so I need as much material as I can get But I'll see what I can do. Late.....
But I wanted to say thanks for your comment. Actually I don't have any manga influences, but you're not the first person who's thought that. Michael Turner a lot, but I'm trying to stray away from that now. I try to take a little from Joe Benitez, especially on my creatures and wierd shit. Those are the two main ones. I've done a few pictures of the Darkness, but none that I'm really happy with yet. When I do though, I'll send you a print, but I usually hang on to the origionals for my portfolio. Still trying to get a job in the industry so I need as much material as I can get But I'll see what I can do. Late.....Lucky Frog
I decided to take a day off from work and go golfing. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, ''Ribbit. Nine iron.''
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a nine iron, and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazing! So I picked...
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I decided to take a day off from work and go golfing. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, ''Ribbit. Nine iron.''
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a nine iron, and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazing! So I picked...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
something seems a little fishy about the situation. not wanting him to know you are married? why? weird.
and i call bullshit. you are both hot. don't make me smack you.
and i call bullshit. you are both hot. don't make me smack you.
supergp:
Yeah, ask her why, but something's almost certainly up. Don't lie unless she actually has a valid reason.
Job Application
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank...
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Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
thrasher:
the thing is I barely work 20 hour s a week as it is now soo... a little more is OK
jovanka:
You are too kind. But I'll take the complement.
Join the Club!
A baby seal walks into a club.
I'll repeat myself. A baby seal walks into a club.
Man Finds Hat, Religion!
A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments. Something in the sermon gives the man a flash...
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A baby seal walks into a club.
I'll repeat myself. A baby seal walks into a club.
Man Finds Hat, Religion!
A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments. Something in the sermon gives the man a flash...
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VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
cest_la_mae:
Our V-day was pretty sweet.
Fred cooked and we watched antique porn.
Fred cooked and we watched antique porn.
esther:
There are all KINDS of pictures of me drunk and passed out on the floor. Even a couple of me in the bath tub. You can look at those pictures a little while later and be proud that you made it through the night without ruining your entire outfit.
Playing Doctor
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little...
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A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
cupidsvictim:
54 bars of soap. that's great.
hellomrworld:
I think I heard about that soap thing .. the moral of the story is ... just go ahead and leave the soap out ... ecq
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why...
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While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
amory:
something similar to that. I'm not the greatest on photoshop, so that's a poorly done example, but you the the idea
wow i can't believe i fucked up one sentence so much!
[Edited on Feb 11, 2005 6:24PM]
wow i can't believe i fucked up one sentence so much!
[Edited on Feb 11, 2005 6:24PM]
x_obscure_x:
I'd visit even without the jokes, even though they're great