A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see...
Read More
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see...
Read More
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
Women's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive...
Read More
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
noctem:
Hey, drop me an email if you get a chance...
_stella_:
thanks...im sorry too but hey it'll all work out in the end right? hopefully....
A Brunette a red head and a blonde were in ...
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out...
Read More
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
yeknomyknuf:
Good luck with your test yo.
snowballinhell:
I haven't worked out round 2 yet
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
I haven't worked out round 2 yet
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
Interview Don'ts
A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself....
Read More
A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself....
Read More
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
vlo:
you are right!!! wow.. so what do u want for your prize.. lets see.. some crossoints??? 
iyce:
That was funny and congrats sweetie!!! 
Little Johnny Answers the Question
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that...
Read More
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
sydni:
probably. I haven't been getting much lately. bitches. 
yeknomyknuf:
Good luck. Funny jokes, as always
Death Cab
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver...
Read More
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 45 COMMENTS
kalidoom:
Nice try, DARKNESS! BUT YOU ARE NOT DARK ENOUGH!
haha. I got my first premature one early today in my last journal. Happy extra late birthday to you, though.
haha. I got my first premature one early today in my last journal. Happy extra late birthday to you, though.
andromeda:
I miss reading your journals. Happy Belated Birthday. I'm a shitty commentor. I hope tomorrow doesn't suck too much for you.
I miss reading your journals. Happy Belated Birthday. I'm a shitty commentor. I hope tomorrow doesn't suck too much for you.
What is grosser than gross?
A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a...
Read More
A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
wildindigo:
Oh, is it someone's birthday tomorrow ? YOURS ?? Have an awesome day with your wife...Happy Birthday
wildindigo:
I heard that 28 is your lucky number
Other Things Mama Told Me...
Not to cuss.
Not to cohabitate.
Not to use that language.
Not to go in the first place.
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
Not to date sluts.
Not to eat with my hands.
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
Not to train octopi.
Not to beat myself with slotted spoons.
Not to mix plaids and stripes.
Not to...
Read More
Not to cuss.
Not to cohabitate.
Not to use that language.
Not to go in the first place.
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
Not to date sluts.
Not to eat with my hands.
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
Not to train octopi.
Not to beat myself with slotted spoons.
Not to mix plaids and stripes.
Not to...
Read More
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
Mom also told me no to let my dad out of the closet. At this point, I found it neccesary to point out that I couldn't do so locked in the attic, and that the rats were starting to attack in formation.
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing a rectal exam:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas,...
Read More
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas,...
Read More
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
mistressvamp:
Thank you
A little of it is from my life but alot from my twisted little brain.
A little of it is from my life but alot from my twisted little brain.
mistressvamp:
Yeah sometimes I'm afraid of what else is in my mind too. Some damn spooky voices I tell ya.
But hey your more than welcome to go poking around up there to find out.
But hey your more than welcome to go poking around up there to find out.
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage...
Read More
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage...
Read More
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
love:
Yeah the rate of youth crime on reservations is really high. They have a crazy drug use rate too, like 11 year olds addicted to meth. It's really sad. I hope your job works out and you don't get shot at or have to shoot anyone.
ormunroe:
Eww...old people sex.
Looking forward to the pics and many details.
Looking forward to the pics and many details.
Also, my stalker serives are available! Of course, we're going to have to discuss to what degree I am allowed to stalk you as I wouldn't want to wake the babies while I stood outside of your window in the pouring rain screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".