Recruits
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir,...
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Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir,...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
noctem:
Thanks man. I'll do what I have to.....
mistressvamp:
Ooooh! can I play with the taser? I can think of a person or two that deserve something like that. 
lol
Anywho how are ya?
lol
Anywho how are ya?
A huge Hangover
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and...
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Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
mistressvamp:
Aww thank you for giving a rats ass and thank you even more for likeing the pictures. 
downingolsen:
sounds like fun my friend i will be back in march no specific dates yet. stay safe 
A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong,the ship sinks,and there were only 3 survivors : Gilligan, the Skipper and Mary Ann. They manage to swim to a tiny desert isle. They live there for a couple of years doing whats natural for men and women to do..After several years of casual sex, Mary Ann felt absolutely horrible about what she had been doing.
She...
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She...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
yeknomyknuf:
Excellent, good luck! Eew, sex with a dead May Ann 
wildindigo:
Yes, a female strip club 
I'm so happy everything worked out so well for you
I'm so happy everything worked out so well for you
Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing Home Residents. They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her husband had come to the nursing home. The other woman said that her sex life was great! "The secret to great sex is...
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VIEW 25 of 49 COMMENTS
mistressvamp:
And quite tasty with some cinnamon sprinkled on top.
mistressvamp:
Yuppers, don't ask me how I figured that one out cause I can't remember but it is damn tasty.
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
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Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
mistressvamp:
Hello dear I came to my moms to use her puter so I thought I would stop in and say hey. Hope all is well.
esther:
You're so sweet!
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
Read More
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
Read More
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love- When your...
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1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love- When your...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
_stella_:
Ya gotta love the rock and thong lovin chicks! Haha that's me! lol.
esther:
*GASP* How did you know it was Don Knotts?! Please, let's keep that between you and me. We don't want that gettin around I dream of bumbling deputies and mildly retarted landlords.
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth...
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He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
vlo:
well since i have not really heard from him since.. .. and the other john ,, that really is his name.. we just hung out for awhile yesterday his daughter was there with us to.. uhmm.. today he seemed moody.. can i just find a man who loves me and has no bullshit going on in his mind????? and here you are taken..lol
.. and the other john ,, that really is his name.. we just hung out for awhile yesterday his daughter was there with us to.. uhmm.. today he seemed moody.. can i just find a man who loves me and has no bullshit going on in his mind????? and here you are taken..lol
esther:
It was so awesome seeing you out at Jupes on friday. T'was one of the best times ever, hopefully it won't be so terrible long before we high five again!
The United Way.
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like...
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The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
it's a good old fashioned zombie movie made by Lions gate films... the same company that made SAW
calmer_than_you:
D.U.I. is what happened sir =/