Women's Bits
Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Paying the Price of Marriage
William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. William brushed her off rather rudely. Mildred objected, "William, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."
"Mildred, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, William called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. William opened it and Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.
"So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Candie came up behind William pointed slyly at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Proverbs
''Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.''
''Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!''
''Man who run behind car get exhausted''
''Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day''
''Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.''
''Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok''
''Man with one chopstick go hungry.''
''Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.''
''Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.''
''Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!''
''Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.''
''War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.''
''Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.''
''Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.''
''Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!''
''Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!''
''It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.''
''Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!''
''Man who sit on tack get point!''
''Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!''
''Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.''
''He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.''
''Man who farts in church sits in own pew.''
''Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion''.
''Crowded elevator smells different to midget."
IQ Test
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________
7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________
8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________
9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________
10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ____________________
Answers in the following article - no cheating now! GOOD LUCK!
Answers:
1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock,then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock,they will be taken in 1 hour.
3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5) 9 live sheep.
6) The match.
7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10) YOU are the driver.
Grading Scale (out of 10)
8+: Engineer
7: Student
6: High school pupil
5: Primary school pupil
4: Teacher
3: College lecturer
2: University lecturer
1: Member of Congress
Okay, I have finals in my classes this next week. On Monday, I have a final in my art appreciation class; that class is so boring and uninteresting, but I managed to finish. On tuesday, I have a final in my psychology class; I really liked this class, the professor was really funny and made the class interesting to attend. On wednesday, I have my sociology class and that class was fun also, the teacher is this little, loud thing that made her voice heard.
This next weekend is the Suicide Girls Prom and I am apprehensive in going. Other than my wife, I will not know anyone there, but I guess that is the fun in going to these types of parties, to meet new people and experience new things. I am excited to meet a few of the Suicide Girls that are on my favorites list and have them sign my chest or something.
Henshin a go-go baby.
Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Paying the Price of Marriage
William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. William brushed her off rather rudely. Mildred objected, "William, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."
"Mildred, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, William called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. William opened it and Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.
"So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Candie came up behind William pointed slyly at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Proverbs
''Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.''
''Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!''
''Man who run behind car get exhausted''
''Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day''
''Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.''
''Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok''
''Man with one chopstick go hungry.''
''Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.''
''Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.''
''Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!''
''Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.''
''War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.''
''Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.''
''Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.''
''Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!''
''Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!''
''It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.''
''Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!''
''Man who sit on tack get point!''
''Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!''
''Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.''
''He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.''
''Man who farts in church sits in own pew.''
''Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion''.
''Crowded elevator smells different to midget."
IQ Test
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________
7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________
8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________
9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________
10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ____________________
Answers in the following article - no cheating now! GOOD LUCK!
Answers:
1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock,then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock,they will be taken in 1 hour.
3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5) 9 live sheep.
6) The match.
7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10) YOU are the driver.
Grading Scale (out of 10)
8+: Engineer
7: Student
6: High school pupil
5: Primary school pupil
4: Teacher
3: College lecturer
2: University lecturer
1: Member of Congress
Okay, I have finals in my classes this next week. On Monday, I have a final in my art appreciation class; that class is so boring and uninteresting, but I managed to finish. On tuesday, I have a final in my psychology class; I really liked this class, the professor was really funny and made the class interesting to attend. On wednesday, I have my sociology class and that class was fun also, the teacher is this little, loud thing that made her voice heard.
This next weekend is the Suicide Girls Prom and I am apprehensive in going. Other than my wife, I will not know anyone there, but I guess that is the fun in going to these types of parties, to meet new people and experience new things. I am excited to meet a few of the Suicide Girls that are on my favorites list and have them sign my chest or something.
Henshin a go-go baby.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
I am so jealous of you going to prom, so don't even be apprehensive, just have a great time, and meet everyone, and know us poor australians, are jealous and dreaming of prom.