Two Tall Trees
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Soapy Sales!
A young priest was visting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn't have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ''Look! A new soap dispenser!'' Another said, ''How you get the soap?'' So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ''Look! I got a bar of soap!'' said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.
''Look! I got liquid soap!''
Gone Fishin'
Once there were two best friends, named Fred and DooDah. They were old fishing buddies, and one day headed out to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the lake, DooDah hooked a huge fish, which proceeded to pull him overboard, where he drowned a horrible watery death. Fred was brokenhearted, since DooDah was his best friend. But sad as he was, he realized that he would have to tell DooDah's wife the terrible news. He thought long and hard, but just couldn't think of the right words. Finally, he took a deep breath and knocked on her door. DooDah's wife opened the door and heard Fred start singing:
"Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
Hubby Homing Device
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, everytime he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
Gross, Grosser, Grossest
What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
Minnesota Women
Q: Why don't they let Minnesota women go out with Wisconsin guys?
A: Have you ever seen a gopher hole after a badger has been in it?
Start school again tomorrow and I could not be happier. Also we are taking in the Tahoe in to get the dent from that accident fixed. Hopefully that it does not take that long for fix, last time we took a vehicle to get fixed, it took about a week and a half, so with this one; hopefully not that long.
A couple of things I thought were amusing happened to me yesterday. One of our kitchen staff passed away last week, she fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a semi, and come to find out that she had a crush on me. Anyway she also had a crush on a guy who no longer works there but his brother does and a female officer who learned of this crush told us both about it. What the brother said was mean and true, he said that she can't act upon it now, can she?
Henshin a-go-go baby!
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Soapy Sales!
A young priest was visting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn't have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ''Look! A new soap dispenser!'' Another said, ''How you get the soap?'' So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ''Look! I got a bar of soap!'' said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.
''Look! I got liquid soap!''
Gone Fishin'
Once there were two best friends, named Fred and DooDah. They were old fishing buddies, and one day headed out to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the lake, DooDah hooked a huge fish, which proceeded to pull him overboard, where he drowned a horrible watery death. Fred was brokenhearted, since DooDah was his best friend. But sad as he was, he realized that he would have to tell DooDah's wife the terrible news. He thought long and hard, but just couldn't think of the right words. Finally, he took a deep breath and knocked on her door. DooDah's wife opened the door and heard Fred start singing:
"Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
Hubby Homing Device
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, everytime he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
Gross, Grosser, Grossest
What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
Minnesota Women
Q: Why don't they let Minnesota women go out with Wisconsin guys?
A: Have you ever seen a gopher hole after a badger has been in it?
Start school again tomorrow and I could not be happier. Also we are taking in the Tahoe in to get the dent from that accident fixed. Hopefully that it does not take that long for fix, last time we took a vehicle to get fixed, it took about a week and a half, so with this one; hopefully not that long.
A couple of things I thought were amusing happened to me yesterday. One of our kitchen staff passed away last week, she fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a semi, and come to find out that she had a crush on me. Anyway she also had a crush on a guy who no longer works there but his brother does and a female officer who learned of this crush told us both about it. What the brother said was mean and true, he said that she can't act upon it now, can she?
Henshin a-go-go baby!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
noctem:
Hey, go over to Gangrel's page and read the thing at the bottom of his entry. I think you will be interested....
supergp:
See? You are attractive.