thedarkness

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?"
The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here,and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Coincidence!
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
" I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.

A monkey and a Lizard!

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the shore, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while trying to get a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says "Fuuuuuuuuck! Duuuude!.......How much water did you drink?!!"



I took my Psychology test today and I think I faired pretty well. I had to stay over last night at work for about four hours and took the time to study my notes and today everything just fell into place. As I was walking out of the colloge today, I saw one of my fellow officers there and asked him what was he doing? He told me that he was on a transport for a couple of inmates who were taking their G.E.D. test. I walked into the place and told the inmates to remember that cat is spelled with a "C" and not a "K". I don't think that they enjoyed that.

Henshin a-go-go baby.