thedarkness

If you have a joke or a good story to share please mail it to me!

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K.,Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

Signs You're Too Fat For Your Pants


1) You've lost the feeling below your ankles.
2) When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.
3) When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.
4) The last time you tried to retrieve your wallet from your back pocket you lost a finger.
5) Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle.
6) People ask you questions like, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"
7) The last time you sat down, the top button of your pants snapped off with the speed of a hunting rifle, injuring a co-worker.
8) It takes you forty-five minutes to put them on, even with the aid of a small crane and a power winch.
9) When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you your pants look great.
10) Your name is Al Roker.


I needed these days off, I feel refreshed now. My supervisors are scheduled to return this week, one from vacation and the other from F.M.L.A.-but I will believe it when I see it.

I had a funny encounter today, I was told by a classmate that I was mean and I told her that I was the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. Maybe because she made the comment that she was confused and I replied that it shouldn't have been that hard. Just a little teasing you know.

Henshin a-go-go baby.


A little update if you will. Earlier tonight, my family and I were on our way out for dinner when I called my mother, just to see how everything was going. After the pleasentries were done and over with, I asked my mother whar she was doing this weekend and she said she was taking care of my nephew. Now at first this didn't raise any alarms because my little brother's kids were always at my mothers house, but then I asked if my brother and his girlfriend were going out and she said no, that my one and a half year-old nephew was staying with my mother because his worthless, piece-of-shit mother, who GOD himself, should snuff her out like a candle, abandoned him.

At first I thought she was kidding, but then she said that earlier in the month, she had left my nephew with her mother for three weeks, because she could not handle him! I asked how did she find this out? My mother said that the bitchs mother had called my Mom and asked if she could take my nephew because she could not take care of him. I asked where my brother was in all of this? He is staying with my Mom and he did not know where the bitch was. I am ready to destroy someone!!!!

So, I told my mother if things get worse, to let us know and we will do anything in our power to help her out. If need be, I will go to the courts and fight for guardianship and raise him as though he was my own.

Thanks for listening to me vent.