thedarkness

Italian Bread

The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...don't you think by the time you get to the 5th it'll be hard?"
He replied, "Holy shit ... does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread but ME?!"

You finish?

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment,
and after some small talk,they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So...you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming,
bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish."


Last night was a fun night. About eight in the evening, we recieved a booking of a woman high on meth. Let me tell you, there is no hope with dope! No, just kidding, but she was pretty strong and it took about four of us officers to hold her down and put her in our restraint chair-a chair where we put combative inmates using restaints to hold them and preventing them from causing bodily harm to themselfs or to others-and before we sat her happy ass in the chair, she tried to stand and fight me. Wrong choice, before she knew which way was up, I had her arms in a straight arm bar and her head pressed up against the wall, the police officers were just laughing at her dumbass.



Almost forgot the piece de resistance... Henshin a-go-go baby.