A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
Very good, said her Mother.
Is it because I'm blonde? "Yes, it's because your blonde," said the Mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. " Mommy, Mommy,"...
Read More
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
Very good, said her Mother.
Is it because I'm blonde? "Yes, it's because your blonde," said the Mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. " Mommy, Mommy,"...
Read More
sydni:
haha! thanks darlin! for the stories and the compliments. 
noctem:
Thanks man, I needed that. Days been kinda shit, laughter helps though 
Late....
Thanks man, I needed that. Days been kinda shit, laughter helps though Late....One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance. The acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me...
Read More
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
falias:
i really am not if you look at my face can't you tell? 
dade37:
hell yeah the cetrieans kick fucking ass i had the diver dude. and M.A.S.K. they kicked ass too 
Five things we should find sexy....But don't
1)Female Ejaculation-The only thing she should be squirting is perfume. Or mace.
2)Sex and the City-One's actually a lesbian, and they don't even work it in? We were robbed!
3)Women who like football-Next thing you know, they'll be farting and stealing our Cheetos.
4)Spooning-Cuddling is only hot when penetration is involved.
5)Julia Robert-Unless you have a horse fetish....
Read More
1)Female Ejaculation-The only thing she should be squirting is perfume. Or mace.
2)Sex and the City-One's actually a lesbian, and they don't even work it in? We were robbed!
3)Women who like football-Next thing you know, they'll be farting and stealing our Cheetos.
4)Spooning-Cuddling is only hot when penetration is involved.
5)Julia Robert-Unless you have a horse fetish....
Read More
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
rhyn:
When are you gonna update...SHOW OFF!!
annamei:
i don't think i'll be flashing anyone but now i have a new found respect for ms laura
my boyfriend would probably agree with all of those but especially #5. her mouth is quite scary!
but now i have a new found respect for ms laura
my boyfriend would probably agree with all of those but especially #5. her mouth is quite scary!
Here is a list of things we shouldn't find sexy....but do.
1)Bike seats-Their primary purpose is to be straddled. Is it any wonder that we want to be re-incarnated as one?
2)Girls Fighting-Cursing, crying, pulling hair, throwing drinks, abusing bathroom attendants and being convicted of assualt: sexy. A mug shot with a tear-streaked face: even sexier.
3)The automated female voice you hear when you dial...
Read More
1)Bike seats-Their primary purpose is to be straddled. Is it any wonder that we want to be re-incarnated as one?
2)Girls Fighting-Cursing, crying, pulling hair, throwing drinks, abusing bathroom attendants and being convicted of assualt: sexy. A mug shot with a tear-streaked face: even sexier.
3)The automated female voice you hear when you dial...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
snowballinhell:
Hehe, I wouldn't worry, I can't dance either, not properly. I end up either shuffling my feet from side to side or just jigging around like you'd expect your mother to dance, so I just play safe and get drunk at the bar instead
Smooches
Michelle xx
Smooches
Michelle xx
snowballinhell:
that doesn't matter, it'd be boring if we were all the same 
Some drink, some don't, just like some smoke, some don't, etc......
Smooches
Michelle xx
that doesn't matter, it'd be boring if we were all the same Some drink, some don't, just like some smoke, some don't, etc......
Smooches
Michelle xx
One evening last week, my wife & I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ash:
hahahahahah!! I actually thought that happened ... but man, that was good. thanks for that!
noctem:
Not a problem man. I'll send more when I can.
If you have a joke or a good story to share please mail it to me!
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window....
Read More
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window....
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
noctem:
Hey, what kind of training are you doing? Sounds interesting....
noctem:
Wow, that sounds pretty intense. Good luck out there. Oh, and don't worry about the xbox live stuff. I haven't been able to play until pretty late at night, like after 10 pacific time at least. I don't know how late you're up, but if you are, I'll probably be on around then. Unless it's a weekend. I don't really know how the friends stuff on there works yet. Did I send you a request? I think that's what it said. I haven't been on there yet today, probably later tonight though. I gotta go meet my friends for a system link match right now. Late....
Oh, and don't worry about the xbox live stuff. I haven't been able to play until pretty late at night, like after 10 pacific time at least. I don't know how late you're up, but if you are, I'll probably be on around then. Unless it's a weekend. I don't really know how the friends stuff on there works yet. Did I send you a request? I think that's what it said. I haven't been on there yet today, probably later tonight though. I gotta go meet my friends for a system link match right now. Late....Job Interview
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat...
Read More
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
annamei:
yikes! practical jokes can be fun but you have to be careful sometimes it goes a little to far, then someone takes it personally. practical joke responsibly
noctem:
Cool, my tag is karpe noctem. I don't have any friends on live yet, so you can be my first. Late....
Late....A young Mom wrote:
While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my
seven year old son asked me why I didn't get a boyfriend, since my husband
(his Dad) had run off. I told him the television is my new boyfriend, he
entertains me all the time. And, even though he sometimes doesn't start, I
just give it...
Read More
While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my
seven year old son asked me why I didn't get a boyfriend, since my husband
(his Dad) had run off. I told him the television is my new boyfriend, he
entertains me all the time. And, even though he sometimes doesn't start, I
just give it...
Read More
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
falias:
thats cool i just find it fun to read!
annamei:
damn i wish i woulda seen your comment in my journal sooner because i totally would have made sure to molest a princess
If you have a joke or a good story to share please mail it to me!
Things you learn from Children
For those with No children---this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age---this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age---this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age---this is a warning.
For those who have...
Read More
Things you learn from Children
For those with No children---this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age---this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age---this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age---this is a warning.
For those who have...
Read More
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
allycat_13:
I was really rude with a group of parents at Blockbuster only becuase they have to stand right where the entrnace/exit is and have their kids running aorund instead of holding their hands. I said, "Yes, Thank you." after moving through them fast. One guy laughed really hard and i said well wrangle your kids and move out of the way. He laughed again and they looked at me funny so i flipped them off. If their that stupid to not see they were blocking me then they deserved my rudeness. Not to go down to their level, but damn good common sense is so simple.
I couldn't stip laughing throughout the whole thing on kids. I'm a crossing guard so I deal with kids 17 hours a week. They are the most beautiful creatures on this earth.
Here is to our future, may they grow up to better this country and keep us out of retirement homes. Cheers!!!!
I couldn't stip laughing throughout the whole thing on kids. I'm a crossing guard so I deal with kids 17 hours a week. They are the most beautiful creatures on this earth.
Here is to our future, may they grow up to better this country and keep us out of retirement homes. Cheers!!!!
brite_red_scream:
hehehe...kids are a trip...my daughter just turned 2 on tuesday.... but she's already doing the crazy stunts...i'll never be able to sleep with both eyes shut again...here's my lil mess maker giving me a funky lil smile haha...
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
noctem:
Glad you liked it, I'll find some more for ya...
darklis:
Cute.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rhyn:
so how are the twins?
arsenic:
*hugs* Thank you!
Q&A, adult versions
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A. BEAT IT - we're closed.
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q. What's the speed limit...
Read More
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A. BEAT IT - we're closed.
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q. What's the speed limit...
Read More
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
sydni:
hahaha!
thanks honey! for the jokes, and the well wishes!
thanks honey! for the jokes, and the well wishes!
rhyn:
[Edited on Dec 02, 2004 11:12AM]
[Edited on Dec 02, 2004 11:12AM]