Good, Bad, Worse
Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
Six Most Important Men...
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Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
Six Most Important Men...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
doolittle:
huzzah! for video games. 
noctem:
Hey, sorry I missed you tonight man, gonna be on later this weekend at all? If so, let me know. My girlfriend got her own account now, so if you see my name online, it'll be me for sure , late....
, late....Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
15) You can have...
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20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
15) You can have...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
snowballinhell:
Ah yes, I'm so with you on the twin thing - from one twin parent to another, ain't they just wonderful 
Except of course when they're trying to kill each other, or is that just because I've got twin boys 
And oh my, yes the amount of laundry 
Smooches
Michelle xx
Except of course when they're trying to kill each other, or is that just because I've got twin boys And oh my, yes the amount of laundry
Smooches
Michelle xx
noctem:
Yeah, I don't know what I need to do. I think I just need a big change. I'm moving in a couple months, so maybe that'll do it. Later this year, around August, I'm taking off to Australia for a while. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but that's what I really need right now. I think I'm feeling stuck because I haven't been traveling lately. I usually go a lot of places, but recently I've been pretty domestic. I need that release and sense of freedom. It's so ingrained into me, it's like a drug. I feel like a fucking junkie looking for a fix. But that's a long ways away. I'll have to figure out some way to bide my time until then. Late....
Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru
1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window...
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1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
andromeda:
Your journal rock. You always make me laugh out loud! I'd be scared of the Atkins. I'm a carb junkie. I love bread! I've heard it works great. So tell me how did you become so damn funny? 
noctem:
Yeah, the new storyline is a little more tame I think. It seems like they're trying to make it a little more realistic by centering on Jackie's mafia relations. But you're right, in the first series he was a fucking nut. I mean, he crucified the Magdalena inside a church!! Along with 3 other nuns. That's some crazy shit. But I have to admit, I kinda dropped off of the Darkness for a while after Benitez left. I missed the whole story about Frankie killing Jenny and Jackie blowing everything to hell. Oh well though, I hope they do get someone else to start penciling it though. I don't think that the guy they got right now goes well with the book. His art is really rough and, well, for lack of a better word, ugly. Keown was good though. It took me a while to get used to his stuff, but now I really like it a lot. Okay man, I gotta go to work, late....
A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes around the
house and into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The...
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He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes around the
house and into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
vlo:
hahahaha very funny both of them... had a great time for new years!!
rachelrain:
visiting my ex (?) in Washington State...we're attempting to get the band back together. Don't know what'll happen...but I'm having a good time.
First Grade Proverbs
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:
1) Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
2) Strike while the... bug is close.
3) It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
4) Never...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
supergp:
I tried that one day
But I stayed at home alone
And played games all day
But I stayed at home alone
And played games all day
dane_valek:
Funny how kids put this different spin on things that an adult would never think of.
20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent --...
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1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent --...
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VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
annamei:
yikes about the car accident! i'm glad to hear you guys are alright 
noctem:
Hey man, I heard about the car accident. Glad everyone's okay. That sucks though. Let's see....at times in the bathroom, I've been a 2, 4, 8, 10 and a 19 Been pretty close to a 13, but never actually pissed my pants. Have a good New Year's man, late.....
Been pretty close to a 13, but never actually pissed my pants. Have a good New Year's man, late.....Showers: Men Vs. Women
How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut...
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How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
lecia:
Yep...lol
supergp:
Wow. My morning bathroom ritual is about half-way between these. I don't if that just makes me androgynous or what.
Telemarketer Repellant
1) If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking...
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1) If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
supergp:
*SLAP* Hey Susan, we've got Jennifer Garner in leather over here in a few weeks.
sare:
i work in a call centre.thank god i only have to deal with incoming calls. i couldnt EVER call ppl. i hate telemarketers.bah!
The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of...
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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of...
Read More
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
ok, yeah, you are the one with the good jokes. i came across your page at one point in the past and was laughing my ass off. i'm going to my uncles ranch in northern california...yay.
he's a crazy old biker so i imagine that i will be getting a lot of motorcycle rides in the next few days. yay.
he's a crazy old biker so i imagine that i will be getting a lot of motorcycle rides in the next few days. yay.
rhyn:
Are you always on?!?!? Go to sleep
What P.M.S. Stands For
1) Pass My Shotgun.
2) Psychotic Mood Shift.
3) Perpetual Munching Spree.
4) Puffy Mid-Section.
5) People Make Me Sick.
6) Provide Me with Sweets.
7) Pardon My Sobbing.
8) Pimples May Surface.
9) Pass My Sweatpants.
10) Pissy Mood Syndrome.
11) Plainly, Men Suck.
12) Pack My Stuff.
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the...
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1) Pass My Shotgun.
2) Psychotic Mood Shift.
3) Perpetual Munching Spree.
4) Puffy Mid-Section.
5) People Make Me Sick.
6) Provide Me with Sweets.
7) Pardon My Sobbing.
8) Pimples May Surface.
9) Pass My Sweatpants.
10) Pissy Mood Syndrome.
11) Plainly, Men Suck.
12) Pack My Stuff.
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
dade37:
we all wish we had more moneys to spend
annamei:
long story short, old drama has resurfaced.
[Edited on Dec 18, 2004 1:09PM]
[Edited on Dec 18, 2004 1:09PM]
You might be a Latina if:
1) If you think no Christmas dinner is complete without tamales, guacamole, or frijoles a la charra.
2) If your grandma used to scare you out of touching her breakables by yelling, "Ui Coo Cui!"
3) If you know what a chancla is. (Or worse if you have ever been spanked by one.)
4) If you know what a...
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1) If you think no Christmas dinner is complete without tamales, guacamole, or frijoles a la charra.
2) If your grandma used to scare you out of touching her breakables by yelling, "Ui Coo Cui!"
3) If you know what a chancla is. (Or worse if you have ever been spanked by one.)
4) If you know what a...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
ash:
oh man, you're a cop? ~runs away~
noctem:
Thanks for the birthday wishes yesterday man. I feel so loved! Yeah, it was pretty cool though. Oh, and dude, you really need to go see Fight Club. Late...
Yeah, it was pretty cool though. Oh, and dude, you really need to go see Fight Club. Late...