A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a...
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A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Priceless
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,...
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Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
vlo:
what long island ice tea.. now i changed my mind again 
noctem:
Hey what do you know? My girlfriend just left to go to her worthless bastard sister's place in Santa Anna. And I'm pissed too. Misery loves company man 
But I wanted to say thanks for your comment. Actually I don't have any manga influences, but you're not the first person who's thought that. Michael Turner a lot, but I'm trying to stray away from that now. I try to take a little from Joe Benitez, especially on my creatures and wierd shit. Those are the two main ones. I've done a few pictures of the Darkness, but none that I'm really happy with yet. When I do though, I'll send you a print, but I usually hang on to the origionals for my portfolio. Still trying to get a job in the industry so I need as much material as I can get But I'll see what I can do. Late.....
But I wanted to say thanks for your comment. Actually I don't have any manga influences, but you're not the first person who's thought that. Michael Turner a lot, but I'm trying to stray away from that now. I try to take a little from Joe Benitez, especially on my creatures and wierd shit. Those are the two main ones. I've done a few pictures of the Darkness, but none that I'm really happy with yet. When I do though, I'll send you a print, but I usually hang on to the origionals for my portfolio. Still trying to get a job in the industry so I need as much material as I can get But I'll see what I can do. Late.....Lucky Frog
I decided to take a day off from work and go golfing. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, ''Ribbit. Nine iron.''
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a nine iron, and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazing! So I picked...
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I decided to take a day off from work and go golfing. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, ''Ribbit. Nine iron.''
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a nine iron, and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazing! So I picked...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
something seems a little fishy about the situation. not wanting him to know you are married? why? weird.
and i call bullshit. you are both hot. don't make me smack you.
and i call bullshit. you are both hot. don't make me smack you.
supergp:
Yeah, ask her why, but something's almost certainly up. Don't lie unless she actually has a valid reason.
Job Application
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank...
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Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
thrasher:
the thing is I barely work 20 hour s a week as it is now soo... a little more is OK
jovanka:
You are too kind. But I'll take the complement.
Join the Club!
A baby seal walks into a club.
I'll repeat myself. A baby seal walks into a club.
Man Finds Hat, Religion!
A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments. Something in the sermon gives the man a flash...
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A baby seal walks into a club.
I'll repeat myself. A baby seal walks into a club.
Man Finds Hat, Religion!
A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments. Something in the sermon gives the man a flash...
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VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
cest_la_mae:
Our V-day was pretty sweet.
Fred cooked and we watched antique porn.
Fred cooked and we watched antique porn.
esther:
There are all KINDS of pictures of me drunk and passed out on the floor. Even a couple of me in the bath tub. You can look at those pictures a little while later and be proud that you made it through the night without ruining your entire outfit.
Playing Doctor
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little...
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A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
cupidsvictim:
54 bars of soap. that's great.
hellomrworld:
I think I heard about that soap thing .. the moral of the story is ... just go ahead and leave the soap out ... ecq
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why...
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While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
amory:
something similar to that. I'm not the greatest on photoshop, so that's a poorly done example, but you the the idea
wow i can't believe i fucked up one sentence so much!
[Edited on Feb 11, 2005 6:24PM]
wow i can't believe i fucked up one sentence so much!
[Edited on Feb 11, 2005 6:24PM]
x_obscure_x:
I'd visit even without the jokes, even though they're great
Christmas Cop
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop...
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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
doolittle:
eww, gross, i don't want any part in de-virgin-izing my little brother. you are a sicko. ewww, now i need to go take a bath, UNCLEAN!
ormunroe:
I guess its always easier for me to see what I consider flaws than other people. 
Theres just so many conflicting ideas of beauty...many of which I bought into for so long. Esp. ideas which were never meant to include me in the areas of height/shape/hair/style, etc.
Its hard getting out of the mire when you've spent so long thinking the problem lay with you and not with it. And hearing it from others you believed were right. I'm working on it.
Theres just so many conflicting ideas of beauty...many of which I bought into for so long. Esp. ideas which were never meant to include me in the areas of height/shape/hair/style, etc.
Its hard getting out of the mire when you've spent so long thinking the problem lay with you and not with it. And hearing it from others you believed were right. I'm working on it.
40' Long and Stinky!
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I...
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What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
charlize:
I loved your joke! I laughed my ass off!!! Thanks so much.
Thanks so much.
charlize:
Your wife is beautiful and your kids are soooooooooo cute!
Intellectual Bathroom Graffiti
Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You...
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Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You...
Read More
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
supergp:
Yeah, but you've got the joke thing to fall back on.
supergp:
Didn't read it. And, um, I almost did.
Choking
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper...
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A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
i have no idea what else is in mesa, which i think is good because i don't really like phx.
gosh i love reading you journal...where do you get all of this???
(or do you not want to let on to your secret joke stash
)
gosh i love reading you journal...where do you get all of this???
(or do you not want to let on to your secret joke stash
)
ormunroe:
Thank you for your kind words. All I know is that they better give him time off before he leaves or there will be some 'smoke in the city.' 
I'm trying to talk him into letting me try out. He's not completely against the idea but its going to take some time to wear him down. Ha
I'm trying to talk him into letting me try out. He's not completely against the idea but its going to take some time to wear him down. Ha
Efficiency Expert
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ''You don't want to try these techniques at home.''
''Why not?'' asked someone from the back of the audience. ''I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,'' the expert explained.
''She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time....
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The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ''You don't want to try these techniques at home.''
''Why not?'' asked someone from the back of the audience. ''I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,'' the expert explained.
''She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time....
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
vlo:
whichi s why i can no longer drink tequila after my work xmas party. last month is was black out bad.. ikeep hearing things i did, i stilldont remember. i just say now u are making it up
vlo:
money man ,.mmmmm...mami likey what she hears,, chaching chaching
However, he finally saw fit to tell me that even asking him about that was 'shameful' and 'spitting on the sanctity of marriage.' He was angry but it still hurt to hear him say that to me. He came back and said that he loves me but he's just confused about me right now and hasn't elaborated.
I told him that this is something I can't make go away and he said he knows. So I'm just waiting to see what he has to say once he gets his feelings sorted out.