While the cat's away
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi.... I'm so glad that...
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A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi.... I'm so glad that...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
supergp:
Have fun, you two crazy kids!
sloane:
Thank you! Very nice to meet you, as well! 
Priest's First Mass
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he...
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
supergp:
Actually, what irks me more than that is just how....unnecessary some of it seems. If you read it, you get the feeling they could've thrown in an three X-Men and any three Ultimates with the same plot.
Some cool ideas, though. Like I said, I *LOVE* what Ellis did with Vision.
Some cool ideas, though. Like I said, I *LOVE* what Ellis did with Vision.
vlo:
always time for u!!!! 
Women's Bits
Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Paying the Price of Marriage
William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt,...
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Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Paying the Price of Marriage
William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt,...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
foolycooly:
I hope you went well in art today, and good luck for the next two.
I am so jealous of you going to prom, so don't even be apprehensive, just have a great time, and meet everyone, and know us poor australians, are jealous and dreaming of prom.
I am so jealous of you going to prom, so don't even be apprehensive, just have a great time, and meet everyone, and know us poor australians, are jealous and dreaming of prom.
supergp:
Well....I do. But I think Scott Adams wrote at one point something to the effect of "It turns out intelligence isn't quite the survival trait we thought it was."
The Jackass Story
This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make....
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This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make....
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
noctem:
Yeah, I'm moving like 5 minutes away from where I live now 
But it's a lot nicer place and it's next door to where I work. Literally on the same lot. I walk out my back gate and I'm at work. So that's gonna be really cool.
But it's a lot nicer place and it's next door to where I work. Literally on the same lot. I walk out my back gate and I'm at work. So that's gonna be really cool. 
wildindigo:
SCISSORHANDS925 is taking the kids to Ozzfest without me...We like different kinds of music
In the back woods of Arkansas...
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby...
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In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby...
Read More
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
ormunroe:
Ha. Thats kind of you to say. You shouldn't encourage my delusions...well, actually, I don't really mind. 
jovanka:
I think World Horror (but that's lit) happens in AZ...
Fruit
Q: What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
A: Fruit by the foot.
The Other Side
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his...
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Q: What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
A: Fruit by the foot.
The Other Side
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
ormunroe:
Just saying hello.
ash:
u are right abt what u said in my journal ... like father like son, right? WRONG! Not if *I* can help it!
Things To Ponder?
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class...
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A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class...
Read More
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
balou:
Im headin' out to Riverside CA.... As for your journal
-weah-
IT'S A LONG ONE... BUT AN ENLIGHTFUL ONE AT THAT!
Im headin' out to Riverside CA.... As for your journal
-weah-
IT'S A LONG ONE... BUT AN ENLIGHTFUL ONE AT THAT!
foolycooly:
Hope your feeling better, and cheers for the b day wish, and also for the kind words, on my "where am i going" dilemma.
An Artist.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman
enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of...
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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman
enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of...
Read More
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
arsenic:
Thanks, I apreciate it. 
The painting is by Trevor Brown. (sorry, I forgot to add this last time)
The painting is by Trevor Brown. (sorry, I forgot to add this last time)
sydni:
dinero.
so now, I'm just singing, and hopefully one day, some money will come with it.
so now, I'm just singing, and hopefully one day, some money will come with it.
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had an affair with a woman. . . almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped" The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
ormunroe:
The laundry basket was one of my fav. places to play as a young child. Scooting across the floor when its empty or if you're lucky enough, catching clothes fresh and warm from the dryer to roll in...*nostalgia sets in*
I was such a tomboy; climbing trees and trying to hang with the boys. I very distinctly remember chasing a boy in elementary school that claimed to like me, pushing him down, and stepping on his crotch. I didn't know about male reproductive parts at that age but I did know kicking there on a boy would hurt him. I was a little darling. 
Twins...all the things they must get into. Ha. But double kisses and double love...
I was such a tomboy; climbing trees and trying to hang with the boys. I very distinctly remember chasing a boy in elementary school that claimed to like me, pushing him down, and stepping on his crotch. I didn't know about male reproductive parts at that age but I did know kicking there on a boy would hurt him.
I was a little darling.
Twins...all the things they must get into. Ha. But double kisses and double love...
dane_valek:
I was at the marquee for Skinny puppy, and you better believe there was stage rushing going on, and i imagine the same will be true for NIN
Sh#!
Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language....
Consider this: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or...
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Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language....
Consider this: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
squishylizards:
Branded with a branding iron. It is a really fucked up bar.
snowballinhell:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thanks for the laugh, ME go pink HAHAHAHAHA, not unless someone pays for me to go on Extreme Makeover first sweetie But thanks for the vote of confidence 
Smooches
Michelle xx
Thanks for the laugh, ME go pink HAHAHAHAHA, not unless someone pays for me to go on Extreme Makeover first sweetie
But thanks for the vote of confidence
Smooches
Michelle xx
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock"...
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After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock"...
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
brite_red_scream:
hehehehe@ mastercard for men...funny though...cause i don't think my mastercard would be very different...i guess i'm one of the boys now haha.
annamei:
someone got a ticket while using your name?!?! that is scary i really hope you are able to clear that up! you don't think anyone is trying to steal your identity do you? 
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was...
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That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
wildindigo:
I'D WATCH THEM IF I LIVED NEAR YOU....THEY COULD COME TO WORK WITH ME...I ALREADY HAVE 18 TODDLERS, WHAT'S 2 MORE ?? MY SON'S CONFIRMATION WAS REALLY NICE, WE ARE HAVING A PARTY FOR HIM ON SUNDAY.TAKE CARE, AND ENJOY YOUR DAYS PLAYING INSTEAD OF STUDYING
supergp:
I wonder if I could leave a bowl of food and water out for them, would they be able to survive while I went to school?
Don't forget to tie them up, and make sure that they can't dig under the fence. Strays are nobody's friend.