Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't
Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
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Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!...
Read More
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love- When your...
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1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love- When your...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
_stella_:
Ya gotta love the rock and thong lovin chicks! Haha that's me! lol.
esther:
*GASP* How did you know it was Don Knotts?! Please, let's keep that between you and me. We don't want that gettin around I dream of bumbling deputies and mildly retarted landlords.
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth...
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He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
vlo:
well since i have not really heard from him since.. 
.. and the other john ,, that really is his name.. we just hung out for awhile yesterday his daughter was there with us to.. uhmm.. today he seemed moody.. can i just find a man who loves me and has no bullshit going on in his mind????? and here you are taken..lol 
.. and the other john ,, that really is his name.. we just hung out for awhile yesterday his daughter was there with us to.. uhmm.. today he seemed moody.. can i just find a man who loves me and has no bullshit going on in his mind????? and here you are taken..lol
esther:
It was so awesome seeing you out at Jupes on friday. T'was one of the best times ever, hopefully it won't be so terrible long before we high five again!
The United Way.
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like...
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The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
it's a good old fashioned zombie movie made by Lions gate films... the same company that made SAW
calmer_than_you:
D.U.I. is what happened sir =/
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see...
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Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
esther:
We so proud of you, dearest. So glad to know you're doing well at le academy.
Also, my stalker serives are available! Of course, we're going to have to discuss to what degree I am allowed to stalk you as I wouldn't want to wake the babies while I stood outside of your window in the pouring rain screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".
Also, my stalker serives are available! Of course, we're going to have to discuss to what degree I am allowed to stalk you as I wouldn't want to wake the babies while I stood outside of your window in the pouring rain screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".
vlo:
u got it....
Women's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive...
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"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive...
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VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
noctem:
Hey, drop me an email if you get a chance...
_stella_:
thanks...im sorry too but hey it'll all work out in the end right? hopefully....
A Brunette a red head and a blonde were in ...
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out...
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A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
yeknomyknuf:
Good luck with your test yo.
snowballinhell:
I haven't worked out round 2 yet
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
I haven't worked out round 2 yet
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
Interview Don'ts
A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself....
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A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself....
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
vlo:
you are right!!! wow.. so what do u want for your prize.. lets see.. some crossoints??? 
iyce:
That was funny and congrats sweetie!!! 
Little Johnny Answers the Question
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that...
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Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
sydni:
probably. I haven't been getting much lately. bitches. 
yeknomyknuf:
Good luck. Funny jokes, as always
Death Cab
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver...
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A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver...
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VIEW 25 of 45 COMMENTS
kalidoom:
Nice try, DARKNESS! BUT YOU ARE NOT DARK ENOUGH!
haha. I got my first premature one early today in my last journal. Happy extra late birthday to you, though.
haha. I got my first premature one early today in my last journal. Happy extra late birthday to you, though.
andromeda:
I miss reading your journals. Happy Belated Birthday. I'm a shitty commentor. I hope tomorrow doesn't suck too much for you.
I miss reading your journals. Happy Belated Birthday. I'm a shitty commentor. I hope tomorrow doesn't suck too much for you.
What is grosser than gross?
A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a...
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A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a...
Read More
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
wildindigo:
Oh, is it someone's birthday tomorrow ? YOURS ?? Have an awesome day with your wife...Happy Birthday
wildindigo:
I heard that 28 is your lucky number
Other Things Mama Told Me...
Not to cuss.
Not to cohabitate.
Not to use that language.
Not to go in the first place.
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
Not to date sluts.
Not to eat with my hands.
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
Not to train octopi.
Not to beat myself with slotted spoons.
Not to mix plaids and stripes.
Not to...
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Not to cuss.
Not to cohabitate.
Not to use that language.
Not to go in the first place.
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
Not to date sluts.
Not to eat with my hands.
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
Not to train octopi.
Not to beat myself with slotted spoons.
Not to mix plaids and stripes.
Not to...
Read More
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
Mom also told me no to let my dad out of the closet. At this point, I found it neccesary to point out that I couldn't do so locked in the attic, and that the rats were starting to attack in formation.