thedarkharlequin

College. May it all burn.

I graduated high school with no hope of college. No scholarship, no money from Mom and Dad. I was going to be bagging groceries. So I joined the Marine Corps. For lots of reasons really, but the main focus was money for college. A future.
5 years later, I got out of the military without having taken class one.
That was 4 years ago, I still have not taken a single class.

For some reason college is very daunting to me. Most things I do not fear, and can jump in and gain a grasp of fairly quickly. College, however, has baffled me. Every time I make a start, I seem to shy away.

I have lived literally right next to City college for a year now. Through the internet I was able to gain admittance, and register. Now I needed help. Today I finally put my man pants on and walked down to the campus. Found the administration office. Waited inline looking like the lost sheep I was. When I finally got to the woman, she had to be the coldest dead woman I have ever met. I'm generally an "all smiles" kinda guy, and I got nothing from this woman, including help. I was sent to the counselors office, where I sat in a chair for a while looking around the room for some speck of information as to how this was organized. There was no start, no ticket, no number, no paperwork, no explanation, just people sitting in a dingy room, with sad people behind a counter. I eventually found a piece of paper stating the 5 steps for new student enrollment. I was on the step to attend new student orientation. Which is what I wanted to find out how to do in the first place, but there was no help to be had on the website.(Which is an atrocity to the internet I might add. I felt like I needed a hand from the Rosetta stone to decipher most of it.) So to sign up for orientation I either need to:
A) go to Administration. Cold hearted hate woman.
B) go to Counseling. Dingy room full of people and no explanation.
C) Call a number. YES!!!! I don't have to go to an office. Sweet!

So I call.....
ring ring ring ring ring ring, pick-up, hang-up.
wtf...
x2
ring ring ring, pick-up, SLAM DOWN!
WTF!!!

I stopped, because on the off chance they did talk to me after that, I would shoot my own academic career in the foot before it started with my next few sentences.

THIS is why I have been daunted by college. This is why I hadn't tried. Because I hate people. I try and be nice. I say my pleasantries, and damn it I mean them. If I look you in the eye, smile, and say have a nice day, I truly wish you well. Why is it when I come in contact with people employed in a helping position, I feel the urge to strangle them for their negligent, practically vindictive, inability to do said job.

I know I'm not going to make fall semester, I still want to take my placement test. I just want to take an english class. Get started.

I could give a flying fuck about a degree. The piece of paper has no importance to me. I haven't the slightest idea of a career goal right now. I'm worse off now than as the 12 year old kid being asked what he wants to grow up to be. I have grown up, and I'm still left blank. I'm just tired of my sporadic pursuit of knowledge on the internet. I need some structure to my input.

Beyond that, I need to start using my G.I. Bill before I lose it. I've lost free money before due to procrastination, but never quite this much.

All in all it's a miserable failure to what was a good day.

College. May it all burn.