thedarkharlequin

* I am always surprised by the
number of Americans who email
me to ask if the British celebrate
Independence Day.

I don't know
if they expect "God bless you
plucky Americans for escaping our
mad king's grasp'' or '' Fuck you
Americans for escaping our
benevolent dictatorship.

'' I have
to tell you, we really don't carry
our history around like that.

The
biggest reaction you'll get is ''meh,
whatever'' or ''is it? Oh.

'' And,
these days, ''oh, THAT"S why the
net is so much faster this afternoon.

"

* Nonetheless, I hope my Yanqui
cousins have a good long weekend
of blowing things up and committing
vehicular homicides while under
the influence of weak beer.



* In the meantime, I clearly have
to import my nurses from Canada,
as I labour under the late stages
of plane-flu.

Whitechapel is of
course open all weekend for the
rest of the world and those Yanqui
looking to escape family wildfowl
dismemberment.



* You know what the weirdest
thing about my speaking gigs is?
People always look so surprised
that I laugh so much.