can today not happen. I slept as long as i could, but I really don't feel like existing today. I've got alot of time by myself to spend inside my head. that always ends badly.
I had a very bizarre dream:
It was a movie. I wasn't in it. It was an extremely dark comedy. The play up is that the main character, played by jim carey, is very religious in manner, but has become fairly rich through less than admirable dealings. he decides to rectify his wrongs by using his money for a good cause. He thinks it should go to help children, but doesn't trust modern schools and so wants to start his own. finds a teacher who is in some kind of trouble and can't teach but desperately wants to, so she signs on to be the teacher in spite of him being a fucking loon. then they go to another of his friends house, who is religious, and well off, but a good guy, but jim has something on him and black mails him into letting him use his house.
bah, now that i'm trying to write it all out it sounds really dumb, but while I was dreaming it all the connections were made, and it was actually rather terrifying, not so much in what happened, but what it implied as to mental damage to the children taught in a place like this.
i don't know, i'm in a horrible frame of mind today. I'm hungry, but I don't want to see other people. I'm in a nice little world all my own. I hear my next door neighbors daughter practicing her piano, and people walking around every once in a while, but feel like, if I were to open the door, all the noises would stop, and there would just be the void outside, like nothing else exists beyond these walls.
i need to eat. i don't want to eat anything here. i don't want to leave and deal with people. I guess I'll order pizza and read
we each make our own prisons, and we make it so that others have the key.
every once in a while someone comes along and lets me out, but I always end up back in, and they lock it with a second key.
so the next person to come along has to try harder to get me out, or deal with only a half open door.
the worst ones though, are when i close the door and lock my self in.
the cage protects me, but it's still a cage.
I had a very bizarre dream:
It was a movie. I wasn't in it. It was an extremely dark comedy. The play up is that the main character, played by jim carey, is very religious in manner, but has become fairly rich through less than admirable dealings. he decides to rectify his wrongs by using his money for a good cause. He thinks it should go to help children, but doesn't trust modern schools and so wants to start his own. finds a teacher who is in some kind of trouble and can't teach but desperately wants to, so she signs on to be the teacher in spite of him being a fucking loon. then they go to another of his friends house, who is religious, and well off, but a good guy, but jim has something on him and black mails him into letting him use his house.
bah, now that i'm trying to write it all out it sounds really dumb, but while I was dreaming it all the connections were made, and it was actually rather terrifying, not so much in what happened, but what it implied as to mental damage to the children taught in a place like this.
i don't know, i'm in a horrible frame of mind today. I'm hungry, but I don't want to see other people. I'm in a nice little world all my own. I hear my next door neighbors daughter practicing her piano, and people walking around every once in a while, but feel like, if I were to open the door, all the noises would stop, and there would just be the void outside, like nothing else exists beyond these walls.
i need to eat. i don't want to eat anything here. i don't want to leave and deal with people. I guess I'll order pizza and read
we each make our own prisons, and we make it so that others have the key.
every once in a while someone comes along and lets me out, but I always end up back in, and they lock it with a second key.
so the next person to come along has to try harder to get me out, or deal with only a half open door.
the worst ones though, are when i close the door and lock my self in.
the cage protects me, but it's still a cage.
I won't say to "cheer up" because sometimes you need these feelings to evolve. So hang in there, if ya get hungry for something good to eat call me up and I will cook ya somethin.