thedarkharlequin

As of tomorrow it'll be one year since Ashley and I broke up. Strange how time flies and life changes your perspective on things. What at first was so painful I now regard as a fortunate turn of events. My life has regained it's stride, and I see potential in my future, where as before I saw no future, I was just desperately clinging to the present because I knew it was going to end. Cowardly really. At first I was resentful for the way it went. That I spent 6 months in misery rather than her leaving me, but as is most cases what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It forced me to step up to the challenge, and reevaluate myself. Of course I was bitter and petty for a long time, wallowing in self pity and depression. Then again, I've always done that, I didn't need a reason. Regardless, I've pulled myself out of my old rut. New place, new location, new friends. And it'll all fall apart like the last one did unless I bring with it a new me. Someone willing to take the first step. To make the phone calls. I don't make friends with leaders, because I'm not a leader. I make friends with everyone else who, like me, will sit and wait for a phone call, wondering if anyone wants to hang out, rather than pick up the phone and finding out. If I'm sitting by the phone waiting for you to call, and you're sitting by the phone waiting for me to call, we're not gonna get anywhere. Proactive is what I need to be with my relationships.
I've learned a lot with women since Ashley as well. I've actually gone on dates, or at least made an attempt to pursue, and while largely that was a failure, I've been able to recognize the mistakes. My self confidence has increased greatly, mostly by the realization of what I lost due to lack there of. I would have risked less to go out on the limb.
I've lead a charmed life, but for the most I've just been along for the ride. I've made one real decision in my life. When I decided to risk it all and move back to California. That was such a hard decision to make, but once in play it all just flowed and I've had some of the greatest times of my life. I think I need to put that charm to the test. Step a little further out on that limb and maybe I'll find someone to hold my hand in case I fall.

Side not: Vacations are boring when you're ride dependant.