theboychris

Now, I know they're supposed to be 'magestic' and 'beautiful' creatures, but I have a problem with swans. A really problem with swans.

By their nature, swans may look magestic, but they act like utter twats. If you've ever been near one you'll know what I mean. They are vicious, scheming little fuckers after one thing - your food, your fingers or your face.

Centreparcs has a lot of wildlife including aforementioned swans, and as many of you know the company very kindly took us all there for a long weekend. I'll come to that later on, but right now I'd like to point out that the sheer volume of humans on the park mean the animals are domesticated and placid, even cursious. At one point I was feeding a duck like a lapdog, it was ace.
Not the swans though.

Whilst there we had a swan enter someone's apartment and force the family into the bathroom and call security, a pair of swans attacking a BBQ and breaking plates as they rushed the table, and one swan biting my brothers hand and making it bleed.
Here's how to deal with a swan attack:


Twat it in the face.

A quick slap round the beak with a rounders bat never did anyone any harm.*
[color=grey][size=3]*At this point I'd like to point out that it never actually came to this, but under the same attack I would have swung free...)[/size][/color]

So, with this in mind I'll move onto Centreparcs itself. It was a really good weekend, really relaxed and chilled. We nearly got kicked out on the first night for a multitude of sins, but mainly because:

* After the free bar provided by work (great company, great company...) we all went back to our chalet - it was 12am,*
* We played SingStar very loudly,*
* We were on the back patio of the chalet, meaning the door was open,*
* Our neighbour wasn't with our party which we didn't realise, and they had young kids * </UL>

The following morning security showed up and read us the riot act, but also said we'd been on the roof that night at 4am and had woken up people across the lake. Doubt that, plus our neighbours actually came over and apologised because they had only asked we be notified of their presence, not to slap us down.
The pitfalls of youth I guess - but meh, we got a kick ass night and a bottle of wine out of it

I took Tori with us on this holiday as a final goodbye - we've decided to go our seperate ways, even as friends, because at the moment things just keep going bad between us. Space is the necessary answer here, so space is what we'll be doing. It's a shame, but it's also a good call.

*sigh*

Well, that's the weekend partially explained. I still hate swans... Oh yeah, the PREVIOUS weekend was fucking ACE too! Jess' and Emma's birthday - both looked stunning and I had an epic night out, one of the best in a while. Took me a record 4 days to fully recover, but was well worth it.

Happy Birthday again guys

Chris x