If I don't look in my inbox... it's both there and not there. The letter, I mean. The one I'm waiting for.
If I don't look, it could still be anything, and only in anything can there be an absolute presence of hope.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is there, hope is dashed out, replaced by satisfaction, and to an extent, elation.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is not there, hope continues despite a vicious hit. Who knows how long it will last?
How hopeful I could always be if I could just stop right here, and never open that inbox.
There could always be something to look forward to.
It could be.
But truthfully I know I'm just afraid. That isn't going to cut it anymore.
So I look.
If I don't look, it could still be anything, and only in anything can there be an absolute presence of hope.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is there, hope is dashed out, replaced by satisfaction, and to an extent, elation.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is not there, hope continues despite a vicious hit. Who knows how long it will last?
How hopeful I could always be if I could just stop right here, and never open that inbox.
There could always be something to look forward to.
It could be.
But truthfully I know I'm just afraid. That isn't going to cut it anymore.
So I look.
you know if anything is going on, you can talk to me. i promise ill listen.
you're one of the main reasons i stay on this website.
xo
ps. message me your address so i can send your christmas card!