Friday Dec 05, 2008

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If I don't look in my inbox... it's both there and not there. The letter, I mean. The one I'm waiting for.
If I don't look, it could still be anything, and only in anything can there be an absolute presence of hope.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is there, hope is dashed out, replaced by satisfaction, and to an extent, elation.
If I look, and the thing I hope for is not there, hope continues despite a vicious hit. Who knows how long it will last?
How hopeful I could always be if I could just stop right here, and never open that inbox.
There could always be something to look forward to.
It could be.
But truthfully I know I'm just afraid. That isn't going to cut it anymore.

So I look.
mugglefucker:
I haven't talked to you in a while and was wondering how you're doing? Are you missing your hair or do you like change? I think about you often and the time you were on cam playing with your sword drinking red wine. You always make me smile.
junecarter:
darling.
you know if anything is going on, you can talk to me. i promise ill listen.

you're one of the main reasons i stay on this website.

xo

ps. message me your address so i can send your christmas card! smile

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